Marketing advice

Every week I receive dozens* of emails asking me, "Charles, you run a very successful blog, and I'm sure that marketing your blog is a big part of that success. Could you therefore share some of your marketing tips with your readers?"

* Actual figure may vary.

Well, I always like to listen to my readers, so this week the Charles Fudgemuffin blog shares a few useful tips for anyone looking for marketing advice.

1) Know your audience

The first rule of marketing is know your audience. So for example if you're renting out a flat for £15,492 per month, then that makes it ideal for the budget of your average student!

Student: "£15,492 per calendar month. That's just what I'm looking for!"

"Seating fit for the Queen!"

2) Don't exaggerate

The next rule of marketing is never oversell your product, as demonstrated by this promotion for garden seating which apparently is suitable for the Queen!

Sidney: "We need somewhere for the Queen to sit. Any ideas?"
Maureen: "How about a throne?"
Sidney: "No, I've got a better idea. How about plastic coated garden furniture!"

3) Avoid flowery language

I spotted this next item for sale on the Wilko website. It's a bucket, and the Product Information provides a perfect example of the type of simple unpretentious language to use when advertising your product.

"Offers both practicality and style."

Sidney: "I'm looking for a bucket."
Sales assistant: "What sort of bucket were you looking for?"
Sidney: "A bucket that offers both practicality and style."
Sales assistant: "You're in luck! I've got the perfect bucket for you!"

4) Use humour

Humour always goes down well in an advertising campaign.

"Tired of being fat and ugly? Just be ugly!"

Strangely, the website address is a Norwegian website, yet the advert is in English. That leads me into another rule of marketing:

"If your business is a service based business, then target customers that live nearby, rather than customers that live in another country."

This is as near as you're going to get to a baby butterfly.

5) Avoid making false claims

Adidas claim that 'Nothing is impossible.'

Okay, then show me a baby butterfly.

6) Use discounts to encourage sales

Finally, this screenshot from a marketing email I received from Lenovo demonstrates the benefits of discounting your prices to entice customers.

£50 reduced to £49.99

Sidney: "Fifty pounds! What a rip off! I'm not paying that!"
Maureen: "How about £49.99?"
Sidney: "Wow! What a bargain! I'll take two!"

To be fair, I bought my most recent tablet from Lenovo in a sale and that was £100 off, so they do have some generous sales from time to time. I think it's fair to say though that offering a penny off probably didn't attract many new customers.

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Legal disclaimer: Sidney and Maureen didn't actually have the conversations featured in this blog post. They were just the fictitious creations of my bizarre mind.

You can find more marketing related silliness below:
Silly slogans
A light-hearted look at advertising