Saturday, 2 July 2016

Silly Slogans

...and meaningless marketing speak.

This week's blog post is dedicated to the increasingly common trend of using silly, meaningless or misplaced slogans to advertise a product.  First up is a rather dubious tagline from The Jeremy Kyle Show...

Friendship and love...
...but what TV show could we be talking about?

1) The TV show of friendship and love ... allegedly.

Viewers of daytime UK telly may have noticed the perhaps controversial slogan for The Jeremy Kyle Show...

"Bringing people together."

Bringing people together!?!?  The Jeremy Kyle Show?  Have they ever seen Jeremy Kyle?

If the slogan was, "Bringing people together ... so they can have a big massive fight," then perhaps I could agree, but describing The Jeremy Kyle Show with the slogan, "Bringing people together," is like describing Jose Mourinho as 'The Humble One'.

2) Computer jargon

Next up is a slogan used to promote the Asus X200 laptop...

"Asus X200 is the ideal laptop to match the hectic lifestyle of today."

Imagine going into a computer shop and having the following conversation...

Salesperson: "What sort of laptop are you looking for?"
Customer: "I'm looking for a laptop that matches the hectic lifestyle of today."

It's completely nonsensical.

"What a coincidence!  That's exactly the type of laptop I was looking for!"

3) "Live a remarkable life."

I spotted the following sign in Krabi, Thailand, and once again it's another example of a completely meaningless and misplaced slogan...

"Live a remarkable life..."

With a slogan like 'Live a remarkable life' you might assume Asahi was perhaps an extreme sports activity company, or perhaps a medical company researching cures for diseases, or something along those lines.

However, in actual fact Asahi is a Japanese beer.  So the sign is basically saying, 'Live a remarkable life ... by drinking beer.'  !?!?

I can't quite see how a life drinking beer is remarkable.  It's not exactly something you would consider when compiling your bucket list...

First Dude: "What have you got on your bucket list?"
Second Dude: "Well I'd like to snorkel at the Great Barrier Reef, trek the Inca Trail, and swim the English Channel.  But top of the list, more than anything else what I'd really like to do is ... drink some beer."
First Dude: "Wow!  Drink some beer!  That really would be living a remarkable life!"

4) Adventurous cuisine

In Newcastle indoor market there's a food stall with the slogan...

"Innovative food without compromise."

I like trying new foods so the promise of 'innovative food' appealed to my curiosity and I decided to check them out.  However, I was slightly disappointed to discover that their definition of 'innovative' differs slightly from mine.  The first food I discovered in their freezers were...

'Ground-breaking' food from Newcastle indoor market.

Undeterred, I continued looking, only to discover that the next food on sale was...


I have to admit, it wasn't looking too innovative so far, so I carried on looking to find that the next food that caught my eye was...


Still not really what I'd call 'innovative' but I decided to have one last try and in the next freezer I found...

Garlic bread

Hmm, perhaps if you were Peter Kay's dad then you might regard garlic bread as innovative, but for everyone else I think it's safe to say that they were perhaps a little 'generous with the truth' when making their 'innovative' advertising claims.

5) More computer jargon

"Explore beyond limits..."
But not with a suitcase ... with a laptop!
Finally, to round things off, here's another meaningless computer related silly slogan, this time from Acer, makers of laptops and computers...

"Acer ... explore beyond limits."

Really?  Explore beyond limits?  Imagine going into a computer shop and having the following conversation:

Shopper: "Hi, I'd like to buy a laptop. Could you advise which one I should buy?"
Salesperson: "Certainly. What would you be using the laptop for?"
Shopper: "To explore beyond limits." 
Salesperson: "You're in luck!  I've got the perfect laptop for you..."

Somehow, it doesn't seem very plausible to me.

This blog post was written by Charles Fudgemuffin, proponent for an undaunted vision of an audacious future.
Facebook: CharlesFudgemuffin
Twitter: @CFudgemuffin

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About The Author

The 'How To Save The World' books
by Charles Fudgemuffin
Charles Fudgemuffin is the author of the alien comedy 'How To Save The World' books which are available for Kindle from Amazon.  The first book in the series is available from the following link:
How To Save The World: An Alien Comedy

As with all Kindle books, you can also download a free sample of the first few chapters.

Please note, the 'How To Save The World' books contain material suitable for ages 18+ and are not recommended for prudes or squares.