Monsters and goblins

My latest short story 'The Venus Gargantua' was recently released for kindle, and the cover (pictured below) gives you a brief idea of what to expect.

The story features an evil monster, and a village of goblins, so to stick with that theme, this week's blog post is on the subject of monsters and goblins.

1) At what time did the monster eat the Prime Minister?

8PM.




2) Why do goblins have big ears?

Because Noddy wouldn't pay the ransom.




3) Apparently, Bigfoot can grow up to twelve feet.

But they usually only have two.




4) I'm a firm believer in having a positive attitude, but even I can recognise that the person below pointing his crossbow at the sea monster was probably being a little optimistic...

Credit: memedroid

Steve's mate: "Oh no! Look, a twenty storey sea monster!"
Steve: "Have no fear! I'll fire this tiny arrow at him! That should easily take care of him!"
Steve's mate: "That's a Kraken idea!"




5) Did you hear about the goblin that got his left arm and left leg cut off?

It's okay. Now he's all right.




6) Here's some advice on what not to say to your child if they're too scared to get to sleep...

Credit: ifunny

Daughter: "Mom, can I sleep with you? I'm scared!"
Mom: "No, I can't risk the monster following you into my room and killing me."




7) What type of monster is great at dancing?

The boogieman.




8) What do you call a dyslexic monster made out of blood?

A hemogoblin.




9) Here's what Alien looked like in the Italian version...

Credit: imgur

In space, no-one can hear you screamio!

Coincidentally, Italien literally means Italy in Swedish.    




10) Finally, to end things on a serious note, here's a monster themed quote on how to spot an authoritarian government.

"Authoritarians of all types really only have one trick: 'There is a monster out there and if you don't do absolutely everything I say, without question, the monster will get you.'"

Sadly, despite how obvious this strategy has become in recent years, there are still people out there who repeatedly fall for it every time.

- - - - - - - - - -

Once again, my short story 'The Venus Gargantua' is now available for kindle from Amazon.

Here's the blurb:

A terrible evil monster has been terrorizing the village of Goblinhelm, and Kravan the Brave, being an adventurer by trade, might just be the man to help out the terrified goblins.

However, as well as being an adventurer, Kravan is also a mercenary, so his ‘help’ might just depend on how great the reward is…

If you're looking for more blog posts that promote my books and short stories, then you're in luck! You can find two more such blog posts below:
Teddy bear jokes and facts
Dead Man's Switch