Funny courtroom quotes (part 1)

Let's start this week's blog post with a lawyer joke...

"A lawyer, and an honest man."
The importance of the Oxford comma.

Young girl: "Mummy, do they ever bury two people in the same grave?"
Mother: "No, dear. Why do you ask?"
Young girl: "Because that gravestone says, 'Here lies a lawyer and an honest man.'"

While I'm sure there must be some honest lawyers out there somewhere, if the following funny courtroom quotes are anything to go by, there are nevertheless also quite a few foolish lawyers. Not to mention quite a few foolish witnesses too.

All of the following quotes are taken from official court records...

1) I will survive

Lawyer: "Any suggestions as to what prevented this from being a murder trial instead of an attempted murder trial?"
Witness: "The victim lived."

Well fancy that! There were no dead survivors!

Top tips (part 3)

Here are a few more silly top tips covering such random subjects as burglars, butter, and Piccadilly Circus.

Legal Disclaimer: Charles Fudgemuffin
does not actually support doing this.

Most of these top tips aren't meant to be taken seriously, but in a couple of cases, I could see them actually working!

1) Makers of Anchor Spreadable Butter. Save time and ink by simply calling it 'Anchor Butter'.


2) If you want to cheat on a 'before and after' weight loss image, just eat loads, get fatter, switch the photos, then wait for all the congratulatory messages!


3) Bought an expensive new TV? Put the empty box next to your neighbour's bin, so burglars target their house not yours.

Lost in translation: Chinese movie titles

In China, many Hollywood movies are given names which translate somewhat differently from the original title.

Here are a few examples which I found quite amusing...

"One Night, Big Belly"

1) Knocked Up

Rather amusingly, when Knocked Up was released in China it was known as 'One Night, Big Belly'.

I suppose that technically it's true!

Knocked Up > One Night, Big Belly

Controversial questions (part 3)

Once again on the Charles Fudgemuffin blog it's time to risk putting civility, politeness and good manners aside as we take look at another selection of controversial questions featuring emotionally polarising subjects such as pizza toppings, modern art, and bacon sandwiches.

"Hey, man! I'm, like, way too cool for pizza!"

To start things off, here's a subject that I didn't even realise was controversial until a few months ago...

1) Is pineapple an acceptable pizza topping?

Pineapple is one of my favourite pizza toppings, so not only do I find it acceptable, but I find it an extremely excellent idea! However, I recently discovered that some people find the idea of putting pineapple on your pizza controversial.

In fact my cousin finds the idea of pineapple on a pizza to be totally bizarre and completely unacceptable. And apparently in some parts of Italy, putting pineapple on a pizza in a criminal offence. #NotReally

But which side of the debate do you agree with?

Is pineapple an acceptable pizza topping or not?

Is pineapple an acceptable pizza topping?

Of course!

Absolutely not!

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