Dead Men Tell No Tales

Dead Men Tell No Tales
by Charles Fudgemuffin

Good news! My latest book, 'Dead Men Tell No Tales' was released last week. Without giving away too many spoilers, the title of the book gives a slight hint as to the direction the plot may possibly take.

Anyway, to publicise 'Dead Men Tell No Tales', this week's blog post takes a light-hearted look at the subject of death...

1) Wild advice

If you encounter a polar bear in the wild, lie down and pretend you're dead.

It's good practice for when you'll be really dead, two minutes later.

2) Silly questionnaire

I've featured stupid questions before on the Charles Fudgemuffin blog, but the following question found on an insurance application form has to be the stupidest of them all...

"Have you ever been in an accident that resulted in your death?"

I'm going to take a wild guess and say no.

3) Google cover up

Where's the best place to hide a dead body?
The second page of Google's search results.

4) The Simpsons

Presumably this truck must have been owned by Sideshow Bob from the Simpsons...

"Die Bart!"

For the benefit of anyone who isn't from the UK, it's actually a truck from the UK based haulage company owned by Eddie Stobbart. They apparently replaced the left side back door and haven't got around to repainting it yet.

5) The end of the line

Breaking news: Yesterday a man dropped dead at King's Cross Station.
He had a terminal illness.

6) Dead Link

It can be annoying when you're browsing a website and you click on a link only to discover that it's a dead link. So to add a touch of humour to their website, Humble Bundle added an interesting 404 page to their website which will appeal to Nintendo fans...

"Sorry, this Link is dead."

For the benefit of any readers who don't play video games, the dead character in the green outfit is called Link. Perhaps it's a case of dead Links tell no tales.

7) Battery joke

I gave all my dead batteries away today, free of charge!

8) Negative kid

Finally, here's a question from a questionnaire written by an obviously optimistic teacher, and the accompanying answer written by a not so optimistic student...

"My future looks bright! After high school, I will ... 'die'."

Sometimes when you read funny things written by kids you can sort of work out how their brain was working, but in this case I think I'm glad that I can't relate to their way of thinking! I mean technically theyre right - they will eventually die - but it's not the sort of thing you want to think about when you're at school!

Once again, my latest book 'Dead Men Tell No Tales' was released this week, and it's available for kindle from Amazon. Here's a brief summary...

"Finlay Hawkins didn’t usually pick up hitchhikers, but he had a long journey ahead of him, so when he spotted a man at the side of his road with his thumb out, he figured some company would help pass the time.

However, after a seemingly pleasant introduction, things rapidly go downhill, and Finlay quickly realizes that picking up his passenger may well prove to be a mistake he regrets for the rest of his life.

However long that turns out to be..."

Check it out on Amazon:
Dead Men Tell No Tales