Saturday, 18 August 2012

Funny Football Quotes

"Matches don’t come any bigger than FA Cup quarter finals.”

A new season of Premiership football is on its way.
Any sports fans sick of all the good sportsmanship on display during the Olympic Games will be pleased to know that the Premier League starts again this weekend, so to celebrate I’ve collected together a list of amusing football themed quotes by managers, commentators and players over the years.

To make things a bit more interesting though, I’ve slipped in a made-up quote.  All except one of the following quotes are real so it’s tricky, but see if you can guess which is the made-up quote…

1) “You can’t play with a one armed goalkeeper - not at this level.”
…Kevin Keegan

2) “If Glenn Hoddle had been any other nationality, he would have had 70 or 80 caps for England.”
…John Barnes

3) “We didn’t underestimate them.  They were just a lot better than we thought.”
…Sir Bobby Robson

4) “And what a time to score!  Twenty-two minutes gone!”
…John Motson

An exclusive survey reveals what respect and good
sportsmanship mean to most Premiership footballers.
5) "Matches don’t come any bigger than FA Cup quarter finals.”
…Neil Warnock 

6) “The World Cup is every four years, so it’s going to be a perennial problem.” 
…Gary Lineker 

7) “Thank you for evoking memories, particularly of days gone by.” 
…Mike Ingham, BBC Radio 

8) “Samassi Abou don’t speak the English too good.” 
…Harry Redknapp

9) “I was guest speaker at Sunderland’s end of season dinner.  That was in October.” 
…Tommy Docherty 

10) “Peter Schmeichel will be like a father figure to Kasper Schmeichel." 
…Jamie Redknapp

One George Best...  Have only one George Best...
11) “I spent a lot of money on booze, birds and fast cars.  The rest I just squandered.”
…George Best

12) “The first time Manchester United fans saw George best they were singing, ‘One Geroge Best, there’s only one George Best.’  Six years later they were singing, ‘One George Best, have only one, George Best!’”
…Wilf McGuinness

13) Gary Newbon: “David, was Wayne Rooney disappointed to lose his youngest goalscorer record on Monday to the young Swiss striker?”
David Beckham: “No, but I’m sure it’ll just make him even more determined to get it back against Portugal tonight.”

14) “If we can play like that every week, we’ll achieve some level of consistency.”
…Alex Ferguson

15) “I faxed a transfer request to the club at the beginning of the week, but let me state that I don't want to leave Leicester.”
…Stan Collymore

Most derby matches last for ninety minutes...
Incisive analysis from Trevor Brooking.
16) “Merseyside derbies usually last 90 minutes and I’m sure today’s won’t be any different.”
…Trevor Brooking
17) “I couldn't settle in Italy.  It was like living in a foreign country.”
…Ian Rush

18) “The ref had an excellent game and I can have no complaints about the two penalties we conceded or Wayne Rooney’s sending off.  I also thought he got the injury time at the end spot on.”
…Alex Ferguson

To answer the puzzle set at the start of this post, it was one of the Alex Ferguson quotes which was made up, but I’ll leave you to see if you can guess which.

Update:  You can find even more amusing football quotes at the links below:
Amusing Football Quotes (Part 2)


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Twitter: @CFudgemuffin

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The 'How To Save The World' books
by Charles Fudgemuffin
Charles Fudgemuffin is the author of the alien comedy 'How To Save The World' books which are available for Kindle from Amazon.  The first book in the series is available from the following link:
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