Ice cream

Ice Cream by Charles Fudgemuffin

My latest book, 'Ice Cream', was recently published for kindle, so as I often like to do whenever I have a new book out, this week's blog post is on the theme of ice cream.

To clarify, I don't mean I post about ice cream every time I have a new book out.*  I mean I publish a blog post on the theme of whatever the new book is about.

* Well, not unless the book is called Ice Cream.

Despite the title though, the book isn't actually about ice cream. Here's a subtle hint as to what the actual theme of the book is...

'As the saying goes, 'Revenge is a dish best served cold.' It's also said that revenge is sweet. So I guess that means that revenge is ice cream!'

Editor's note: "Charles, that wasn't very subtle. You made it pretty obvious that the book is a revenge story."
Charles: "Fine, an obvious hint then."

Anyway, enough of the waffle. My latest book may feature the theme of revenge, but this week's blog post is definitely on the theme of ice cream...

1) Which celebrity is always ready to eat ice cream?

Reese, with her spoon.

2) If you're obsessed with ice cream, then this next photo should be right up your street...

Credit: memedroid

"An ice cream cone ordering an ice cream cone from an ice cream cone."

You can never have too much ice cream!





3) I couldn't remember the name of that Italian dessert where you pour espresso over ice cream.

So I asked my Italian friend, but he couldn't remember either.

Editor's note: "So what was it called?"

Charles: "Affogato."
Editor: "Well try to remember."





4) Here's an ice cream themed 'separated at birth' meme...

Credit: @TranslatedCats

I suppose you could also classify it as an 'accidental camouflage' meme as well.





5) An ice cream man has been found dead covered in raspberry sauce, chocolate syrup and hundreds and thousands.

The police suspect he topped himself.

6) I can definitely relate to this dog.

Credit: imgur

"When the ice cream gives you brain freeze, but it's so delicious that you can't stop eating it."





7) Sticking with the theme of brain freeze...

The cast of the Wizard Of Oz decide to go out for ice cream.

Dorothy eats her ice cream too quickly, so she says, "Oo!" and grip her temples.

The Lion eats his ice cream too quickly, so he says, "Oo!" and grips his temples.

The Tinman eats eats his ice cream too quickly, so he says, "Oo!" and grips his temples.

The Scarecrow has already finished his ice cream, and he asks, "What's the matter?"

8) I suspect cats probably aren't this dumb, but nevertheless it still made me chuckle...

 

Credit: @oakleyrcampbell

"Cats probably think we are cleaning our ice cream."

9) I was offered a job at my local ice cream shop, but I turned it down.

I don't like working on sundaes.

10) Finally, following on from number 4, cats aren't the only thing that can disguise themselves as ice cream...

Credit: reddit

"Ice cream sandwiches are just edible Minecraft books."


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Bonus ice cream fact: To end on a bizarre note, garlic, pickle, macaroni and cheese, super salty licorice, lobster, onion, bacon, avocado, and goat cheese with red cherries, all have one thing in common. They're all genuine ice cream flavors that you can buy at various locations around the world!

Urgh! Garlic ice cream!? I think I'll stick to regular flavours like chocolate and fudgemuffin.


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As a reminder for people with extremely short memories, my latest book 'Ice Cream' is now available at Amazon for kindle.

Here's the blurb:

"Adam Lazareth has spent the last seven years as a prisoner inside Iron Grasp Prison for a crime he claims he didn't commit. As a model inmate, he is then chosen for an experimental program which grants prisoners early release on the condition that they agree to have a 'rage management chip' inserted in the back of their hand. Once fitted, the chip monitors the host's actions, and if it detects violent behavior, it responds by releasing a deadly cocktail of chemicals, killing the wearer instantly.

At first, Adam is understandably reluctant to place his trust in a rage management chip, but the offer of his freedom - and thus the chance to seek revenge against those who were actually responsible for the crimes he was convicted of - ultimately proves too much to resist.

However, one obvious problem remains. If Adam indulges in violent acts, the rage management chip will kill him.

The answer is therefore simple. Adam won’t commit violent acts.

After all, not all deaths have to be violent..."

If you're looking for more blog posts on themes which promote my books, then I've got good news! You can find two such blog posts below:
Faces in things (robot edition)
Teddy bear jokes and facts