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| "Aaragh! I can't think of any ideas for my new company." "Relax, the Charles Fudgemuffin blog is here to help." |
Either way, the following step by step guide can help you create your new company...
1) Create a name for your company
First of all, you'll need a name for your new company. After several brainstorming sessions and idea-generating workshops, I eventually settled on the name 'Fudgemuffin' for my new company. However, if you're stuck for ideas then wordoid.com can come up with multiple random names for your company.
The random company name it picked for me was...
Extrembled
Not as catchy as 'Fudgemuffin', I'm sure you'll agree, but nevertheless still a moderately okay name.
2) Decide on a product to sell
Next you'll have to decide what products your company is going to sell. Maybe you've already decided on an amazing product to sell, but if you're looking for inspiration, then why not let randomlists.com decide for you. The random products it generated for my company to sell were:
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| Muffins. |
Mp3 players.
Purses.
Floor.
Fridges.
Bread.
I'm sure a company selling mp3 players, floor, and bread would be a sure fire winner.
However, in my case, I'm going to tailor the product to the company name of 'Fudgemuffin' and sell fudge, muffins, and fudgemuffins. That's sure to be a winning combination!
3) Create a mission statement
Every company needs a mission statement. Maybe you've already got a cool sounding mission statement in mind, but if you're stuck for ideas then the following link will generate a suitably meaningless jargon-filled statement for you:
www.joe-ks.com
The mission statement it generated for me was:
"Fudgemuffin strive to collaboratively initiate enterprise-wide paradigms to proactively deliver the results that both our investors and customers expect and deserve."
That's perfect! It's the sort of typical meaningless jargon you can just imagine as a company slogan.
4) Create a logo
Every company needs a logo, and logofury.com can help you create a random logo for your company. Here's one of the logos it came up with for Fudgemuffin...
However, it wasn't quite what I was looking for, so I decided to design my own logo...
Looking good!
5) Bribe politicians and government officials
Next, you're going to need to bribe politicians and government officials, er, I mean lobby politicians and government officials to introduce new laws that benefit your company at the expense of the public:
www.senate.gov/senators/senators-contact.htm
www.house.gov/representatives/find-your-representative
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| Tax avoidance, pictured yesterday. |
6) Tax dodge
Finally, you're going to want to employ a team of 'creative accountants' to come up with ways to avoid paying tax. Take care not to evade paying tax, because that would be illegal. But avoiding paying tax is fine.
Once again, tax evasion is totally illegal, but tax avoidance is perfectly fine. **shifty eyes**
7) Congratulations!
That's it! You're now a fully fledged entrepreneur with your own company! Remember to keep those donations flowing to the politicians and government officials you bribed, er, I mean 'lobbied' as a thank you for their efforts!
On a final note, always remember to disguise your bribes to politicians as payments for speaking engagements, or book deals, or some other similar scam which the gullible public will definitely never see through. **shifty eyes**
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As a final piece of advice, always remember to never work with children or animals ... or psychopathic violent criminals. Actually, that's not advice. That's the title of one of my short stories!
Legal note: The above information is not intended as genuine business advice. Anyone who follows the above advice is an idiot. Charles Fudgemuffin accepts no liability in the event that any idiots actually follow the above advice.
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