Christmas memes

I'm feeling in a festive mood, so here are a few memes based on a Christmas theme.

1) Talking rubbish

The first meme is two bins discussing whether Santa Claus is real or not, and it features a cheesy punchline.

Bin 1: "Santa Claus isn't real."
Bin 2: "You're talking rubbish!"

For the benefit of any American readers, that translates as:

Bin 1: "Santa Claus isn't real."
Bin 2: "You're talking garbage!"

Santa Claus arrives on the roof on Christmas Eve

Bringing the magic of Santa to life for kids with a free Santa mp3.

Santa Claus arriving on the roof on Christmas Eve.

A couple of weeks ago a mate of mine mentioned a cool idea he had for Christmas Eve. His plan was to record and mix a soundtrack of Santa Claus arriving on the roof and delivering his presents. Then on Christmas Eve he would place some speakers in the loft above his kid's bedroom, and just as his kid was about to go to sleep he would play the Santa soundtrack so that it sounds as if Santa is landing on the roof and delivering his presents.

It sounded quite ambitious but also a really cool idea, and I can imagine how exciting it would be for a young child to hear Santa arriving on the roof on Christmas Eve. Anyway, we recorded the soundtrack and I have to say we were both really pleased with the finished results.

Searching for Santa on Google

The curious nature of kids when using Google to investigate Santa.

Santa taking a well deserved break
from his present delivering duties.

In one of my previous posts, I mentioned that as well as the Google search engine, Google also have a service known as the Google Keyword Tool which allows you to analyse how many searches a particular search term gets on Google every month.

Some of the search terms I discussed were the search term, ‘Is Santa real?’, which gets 301,000 searches every month from quizzical and possibly sceptical kids, and also, ‘What is Santa’s real phone number?’, which gets 320 searches per month.

As it’s only a few days until Christmas I therefore thought this would be an appropriate time to feature another post on Santa related searches on Google.

The most popular Santa themed Google search I could find was the massively popular, ‘Where is Santa at?’, which gets an incredible 83,100,000 searches every month. By comparison the search term, ‘What’s the true meaning of Christmas?’, gets a paltry 170 searches per month, so it’s nice to know that modern kids seem to have their priorities straight!

A Christmas message from Charles Fudgemuffin

A short but heart-warming Christmas video message from Charles Fudgemuffin to everyone who has visited his blog this year.

Charles Fudgemuffin getting into the festive spirit.

Like many people, I always get completely carried away and sometimes even over-emotional at Christmas with the whole warmth and joy of this wonderful time of year. So to express my feelings I thought it would be a nice idea to create a short but touching Christmas video message which hopefully captures the uplifting and heart-warming spirit of Christmas.

As I say, I can sometimes get a little over-emotional with the whole Christmas spirit, so apologies in advance if my emotions get the better of me and it all gets a bit mushy...

True or false: Six Santa themed 'facts' for Christmas

Naughty kids, green Santa suits and fermented ant droppings.

With Christmas quickly approaching, this week I've compiled a list of six Santa themed ‘facts’ to test people on how sharp they are at spotting a bluff and how astute they are at recognising the truth. Just to clarify, some of these Santa ‘facts’ are true but others are entirely made up.

Santa Claus pictured with a strange child-sized object in his sack.

Anyway, these are the Santa related ‘facts’ so have a read and see if you can guess which ones are true and which are made up, then check the answers at the bottom of the page to see how well you did.

Fact 1 - Swiss Santa's helper kidnaps naughty kids in his sack.

In the UK and many other countries parents often scare their kids into behaving in the run-up to Christmas by telling them that if they’re naughty then Santa won’t bring them any presents. While you could say this was a slightly cruel lie to tell kids, in Switzerland they take things one step further by telling kids that if they are naughty, Santa's helper 'Schmutzli' will kidnap them by putting them into his sack and then carrying them off into the woods.

True or false?

Some kind words from two friends I met on my recent travel adventures

A letter of gratitude for a minor deed I performed on my travels.

As an author perhaps one of the best ways to find inspiration for your stories is to travel the world, make new friends and experience exciting travel adventures. I've met many new friends on my travels and I recently received a photo as a gift from two new friends I met on one of my recent travel adventures, together with a note of thanks for a minor deed I performed. I therefore thought it would be a nice idea to post their kind words on my blog.

The two tigers soon calmed down once
they realised they had met their match.

"Dear Charles

We just wanted to wish you a big thank you once again for saving the life of our small child the other day. We don't know what we would have done if you hadn't been there when little Sami wandered into the path of those two stray tigers and we will forever be grateful for the bravery you showed as you sprang into action and taught the two ferocious beasts a lesson they won't forget in a hurry.

We were also grateful that you were able to take time out of your busy schedule to pose for a quick photo with the tigers after you had showed them who was the boss and returned Sami to safety.

Sneeze page: Four of my favourite posts

Charles Fudgemuffin goes green!

Recycling old rubbish.

I’m a firm believer in recycling, so when I recently read a post on another blog discussing the concept of a ‘sneeze’ page, whereby you basically recycle your most popular old posts to create a fresh new compilation post, I was instantly intrigued. As well as the green aspect, my lazy side was also attracted by the thought of reusing old material, and so after reading the article I decided to compile my own sneeze page.

So on that note, here are five of my favourite posts to have previously appeared on the Charles Fudgemuffin blog:

1) 10 cool internet Easter eggs

This post features a selection of weird hidden features (known as Easter eggs) found on the internet, and at the time of writing it gets more page views via Google than any other post on my blog. It features some reasonably well-known Easter Eggs such as the YouTube snake and facebook hidden languages, but also showcases some less well-known internet Easter eggs such as an amusing website reporting on the Large Hadron Collider (LHC) and there’s also a mention for a little known trick found on wikipedia.

More signs from around the world

Or to provide a more accurate description…  'More signs, menus, t-shirts and ice creams from around the world'.

Following on from my previous post entitled, ‘Signs From Around The World,’ I’ve now collected together some more photos of signs from around the world. After much thought I decided to call this post, ‘More Signs From Around The World’.

1) Childish translations

Let’s start things off with a very childish photo of a sign in Mallorca Airport.

Childish sign at Mallorca Airport.

I think it was a restaurant, but after reading the sign I suddenly wasn’t very hungry.

Daft office pranks (part 1)

Childish tomfoolery around the office.

A prank involving the 'Auto Correct' feature found in Word.

I'm a big fan of funny pranks and tricks, and in fact devious tricks and deceptions feature in many of my books and short stories. Some of these fictional tricks takes place on a galactic scale, but other deceptions take place on a much smaller scale.

This week though, I'm going to highlight a real prank that I used to play when I worked in an office. It's a fairly straight forward prank which anyone with a basic level of proficiency in Microsoft Word will be able to play.

Anyway, one day a girl in the office had to leave her desk for a few moments, so I took quick advantage of her absence to set up the prank. For the purposes of the example I’ll call her Lisa, but that wasn’t her real name. (Her real name was Lesley). Anyway, while 'Lisa' was away I quickly went into Word on her PC and opened up the ‘Auto Correct’ feature (found in the ‘Tools’ tab).

Author Quiz ... A new blog from Charles Fudgemuffin

Author Quiz featuring personalised interviews from indie authors.

Author Quiz: Personalised interviews from indie authors.

Update: Please note, I am no longer updating the Author Quiz blog. Previous interviews with authors are still available to read, but I am no longer accepting future submissions.

Over the last few months as I’ve explored the various websites and blogs on the web dedicated to helping authors promote their work, one thing I’ve felt would be a useful addition to the selection of promotional websites out there, but which I couldn’t seem to find, was a blog dedicated to providing interviews which authors can themselves personalise. After all, the person who knows an author's work best is generally the author themselves, so if you’re doing an interview then I think it makes sense to allow authors as much flexibility as possible on how best to introduce readers to their writing.

Anyway, spotting this gap in the blogosphere I decided to take things into my own hands and therefore recently launched a new blog called Author Quiz where I feature interviews which authors can personalise. Thankfully, so far it seems to have met with a positive response as several authors have submitted personalised interviews which I’ve featured on the blog. Interviews published so far have included authors from various genres including humour, paranormal, adventure, science fiction, mystery and romance, and I hope to feature authors from as varied a range of genres as possible.

Santa Claus, camper vans and Swedish girls

An analysis of some unusual Google searches.

When most people think of Google they probably think first and foremost of the Google search engine, then maybe after that they perhaps think of things like Google Earth and Gmail.

Searching for Santa on Google.

However, another cool gizmo which Google have is the Google Keywords Tool which is a fun way to pass the time if you ever have a spare half hour or so (especially if you’re easily amused like me). It’s actually designed to help potential Google advertisers find useful key phrases to advertise on, but I use it to discover and explore some of the weird phrases that people actually search for on Google.

For example, did you know that every month 91 people actually search for:

Book reviews (part 2)

Here are a few more reviews of books I've recently been reading.

The No.1 Ladies’ Detective Agency by Alexander McCall Smith – 4.9 / 5.0

The No.1 Ladies’ Detective Agency was a book which had never really appealed to me, but I eventually picked it up as the third book in a multi-book discount deal. I’m extremely glad I did as I thoroughly enjoyed it and will definitely be searching out the follow-up books in the series.

The book tells the story of Precious Ramotswe and her investigative adventures after she uses her inheritance to set up the first and only female detective agency in Botswana. Some of the chapters could almost be read individually as self-contained short stories, but there are also a few ongoing story-lines and themes running throughout the book. Its style will appeal to a wide audience and several moments in the book will bring a smile to your face. Overall, the No.1 Ladies’ Detective Agency is a thoroughly enjoyable and heart-warming book which I would enthusiastically recommend.

Hidden jigsaw puzzle found on British coins

A tricky and complicated jigsaw puzzle found on the back of British coins.

As a quick follow up to last week's Easter egg themed blog post, I thought I would also mention a hidden jigsaw puzzle from the Royal Mint found on the back of British coins. Anyone who uses cash a lot might already be familiar with this, but those who prefer to pay by card may not be aware of it yet.

The pieces of the puzzle can be found on the back of recent editions of British coins from 1p up to 50p, i.e. 1p, 2p, 5p, 10p, 20p and 50p, and when put together the coins display the image of a shield. If you’re struggling to complete the jigsaw puzzle then you can also find the solution on the back of recent editions of the British pound coin, i.e. it shows how the shield should look when the correct coins are in place. Although to be fair, you shouldn’t really need the solution to complete the puzzle as it only involves six pieces!

10 more cool internet Easter eggs ... the sequel!

Another list of weird hidden features (or 'Easter eggs' as they’re known) from around the web.

 

Another batch of internet Easter Eggs.

One of my personal favourite posts on this blog was my '10 cool internet Easter eggs' post which lists hidden features and tricks found on the internet such as the YouTube snake, the Nyanit cat and even an update on the end of the world. There are many more hidden Easter eggs found on the internet though, so I thought it was about time I listed another ten cool internet Easter eggs in a post creatively entitled '10 more cool internet Easter eggs ... the sequel!'

1) ASCII Star Wars

Any Star Wars fans should definitely check out this first Easter egg. If you open up DOS (click on the Windows ‘Start’ button, then Run, then type ‘cmd’) then type:

telnet towel.blinkenlights.nl

…you get to watch the entire Star Wars movie illustrated with ASCII text symbols!

10 cool Swedish words and expressions (part 1)

Fart bumps, poison marriage and eating barbed wire.

Caution: Posionous marriage!

I'm a big fan of the Swedish language, so I thought it would be fun to write a post on ten of my favourite Swedish words and expressions, starting with a word seemingly invented by an apparent love cynic.

1) Poisonous marriage

In Swedish, the word for married is 'gift' and this is also the word for poison.  Whoever invented Swedish can’t have had the most optimistic outlook on marriage.

2) Black sickness

‘Svartsjuk’ is the Swedish word for jealous and this literally translates as ‘black sickness’ which is an interesting way to describe jealousy.

The fire skipping rope ... on crutches!

Partying above and beyond the call of duty.

Attempting the fire skipping rope ... on crutches!

As mentioned in my earlier post entitled, 'The fire skipping rope', one of the late night attractions on Haad Rin Sunrise Beach is that at various points throughout the night, the bar staff set a skipping rope on fire and then drunken backpackers foolishly risk life and limb by attempting to skip through the flames.

The fire skipping rope has been the cause of many an accident in Thailand, so I personally wouldn't recommend participating (especially not while drunk), but to help people get an idea of what it’s all about I uploaded a few fire skipping videos in the aforementioned post entitled, 'The fire skipping rope'.

Funny football quotes (part 1)

"Matches don’t come any bigger than FA Cup quarter finals.”

A new season of Premier League football is on its way.

Any sports fans sick of all the good sportsmanship on display during the Olympic Games will be pleased to know that the Premier League starts again this weekend, so you should be able to enjoy diving and cheating once again very soon! To celebrate the new football season, I’ve collected together a list of amusing football themed quotes by managers, commentators and players over the years.

To make things a bit more interesting though, I’ve slipped in a made-up quote. All except one of the following quotes are real, so it’s tricky, but see if you can guess which is the made-up quote.

1) “You can’t play with a one armed goalkeeper - not at this level.”
…Kevin Keegan


2) “If Glenn Hoddle had been any other nationality, he would have had 70 or 80 caps for England.”
…John Barnes


3) “We didn’t underestimate them. They were just a lot better than we thought.”
…Sir Bobby Robson

More Olympic quotes

Katherine Copeland achieved her lifetime ambition of being on a stamp!
Oh ... and she also won an Olympic gold medal as well.

Please note, that's not Katherine pictured on the above stamps. That's the Queen.

I think all sports fans can agree that we’ve just witnessed a brilliantly exciting and amazingly entertaining Olympics, with perhaps the only disappointment being marathon gold medal winner, Stephen Kiprotich, letting his fans down by refusing to do a lap of honour.

That one small blemish aside though, it’s been a memorable and exciting Olympics, so to celebrate here are a few of my favourite quotes from the games, together with a few Olympic themed quotes from years gone by.

1) “We’ve just won the Olympics! We’re going to be on a stamp!”
…The first thing Katherine Copeland said after winning her gold medal in the women's lightweight double sculls.

A list of Olympic quotes

To celebrate the Olympic Games I've collected together a list of Olympic themed quotes by various commentators, competitors and others over the years.

The true meaning of the Olympics?

Please note, however, in accordance with official Olympic legislation, visitors to this website must not wear Nike garments or consume Pepsi drink products while reading the following quotes. Only officially endorsed products from official Olympic sponsors, such as Adidas and Coca Cola, are allowed to be worn or drank while reading this Olympic themed blog post. Thank you for your co-operation.

1) “The 2012 Olympics is going to cost £8 billion which is a lot of money. It’ll probably bankrupt London. But you can't put a price on two bronze medals in cycling.”
…Jimmy Carr

10 cool internet Easter eggs

A list of weird tricks (or 'Easter eggs' as they’re known) from around the web.

Read on to discover 10 cool Easter Eggs from around the web.

Update: This blog post was originally published over ten years ago. As a result, many of the Easter eggs featured are no longer active. I therefore recommend treating this blog post as a nostalgic trip down memory lane, rather than as a chance to actually try out the Easter eggs for yourself, because as I say, many of them no longer work.

I got a bit of a surprise the other day when I typed my blog address and instead of arriving at this blog, it brought up some weird website about Armageddon and the end of the world and stuff. It turned out that I had transposed the ‘s’ and ‘p’ of blogspot and for some weird reason that takes you to a website all about Armageddon.

Anyway, it got me thinking about other weird stuff on the internet, and so I decided to write a post on weird little tricks (or Easter eggs as they’re known) that you can find on the internet.

Giving excellent stuff the credit it deserves (part 1)

Some people are very hard to please.

Singing From The Grave
by Anna Von Hausswolff

While I was browsing Amazon one day, I came across a very enthusiastic and positive review of an album which I love, ‘Singing From The Grave’ by Anna Von Hausswolff. The full review can be found here, but it includes such quotes as:

‘I’m so passionate about this artist I’m having trouble describing all the aspects that make this one of my favourite records of all time.’

‘From the first track to the last ‘Singing From The Grave’ will captivate you, entrance you and take you to bliss.’

‘This album is all I can seem to listen to lately, I’m hooked on Anna Von Hausswolff like a drug.’

Signs from around the world

A few photos from my travels.

I’m a big fan of travelling and therefore every winter for the last ten years I’ve gone backpacking around the world. On my travels I’ve encountered a few signs which have caught my attention and so I thought I would post photos of a few of them on my blog.

1) An undercover operation

The first photo is a photo I took while in Krakow a few years ago and it was taken outside the Secret Service Headquarters, handily signposted to ensure people can easily find it.

The Secret Service Headquarters in Krakow, a very undercover operation.

I have to say, maybe I’m missing something but it didn’t really appear to be that secret.

The fire skipping rope

The fire skipping rope: Entertaining drunken late night fun, or dangerous and irresponsible?

Anyone who’s ever been to the party island of Koh Pha Ngan in Southern Thailand will most likely be aware that a lot of if the late night entertainment seems to revolve around fire. One such fire related activity is the fire skipping rope, which involves setting a skipping rope on fire so that drunken backpackers can foolishly risk life and limb by attempting to skip through the flames.

For the benefit of anyone who hasn’t been to Koh Pha Ngan, I’ve uploaded a few videos and photos of the fire skipping rope so that everyone can get an idea of what it’s all about.

1) The first video was actually recorded in Koh Phi Phi (before they went all health and safety and replaced their fire skipping ropes with fluorescent blue skipping ropes), but it’s the same idea. They set a skipping rope on fire and then drunken people skip over it. This video features some random extremely cool dude starting off quite well but then making a bit of a mess of his exit.

Book reviews (part 1)

A few years ago pretty much the only books I used to read were comedy novels, but as you can see by the following reiews, nowadays I've expanded my book-reading tastes slightly. Anyway, here are a few brief opinions on the books I’ve recently been reading.

The Client by John Grisham – 4.5 / 5.0

John Grisham is one of my favourite authors and while I perhaps wouldn’t have The Client right at the top of my John Grisham recommended list, it still had me hooked. John Grisham often makes critical observations of the American justice system through his stories, but unlike some writers he doesn’t compromise his stories to push his opinions, and instead generally fits his opinions into the story without compromising realism. In fact in some cases his opinions regarding the American justice system are what allow him to make his plots so compelling, and this is particularly true with The Client.

Overall, if you’re a fan of John Grisham or legal based thrillers, then this is well worth a read.

Download the paperback

A paperback book. Not available for download
due to restrictions on current technology.

Information for gullible people who are trying to download the paperback version of one of Charles Fudgemuffin's books.

Please note, you can't download paperback books.

Unfortunately, at the current time, the technology doesn't exist to allow such actions to be performed.

I'm afraid you've been the victim of a childish hoax.

. . . . . . . .

At the time of writing, Charles Fudgemuffin's books are only available as ebooks. If you would like to buy one of Charles's books, then you can purchase 'Dead Men Tell No Tales' for kindle from Amazon.