Stupid scientists discover water is wet

Some scientists are brilliant. Some scientists come up with inventions which make our everyday lives happier, healthier and more productive. Some scientists carry out research which leads to the discovery of important and previously unknown facts.

Fans can help you keep cool.

And some scientists are idiots. Some scientists waste time and money researching ridiculously obvious already known facts. Here are a few of those idiots...

1) Fans make you cooler.

According to a study in the Journal of the American Medical Association (JAMA), electric fans can help you feel cooler.

Wow! Who would have guessed it!? Oh, so that's what I've been doing wrong! Foolishly, in hot weather I've been turning the radiators on to help me cool down, but it turns out that I should have been using fans instead. Oops, silly me! Lucky those scientists at JAMA were able to point out my error for me. In future I'll know to use fans instead of radiators whenever I want to cool down.

2) Disguise not so super.

Go undercover and fool your friends with this simple disguise.

There are many fields of research which lead to important discoveries for mankind, so presumably with that in mind, scientists at York University decided to research perhaps the most important subject of all...

"Would Superman's disguise fool anyone?"

Yes, that's right. Scientists at York University conducted tests to see if Superman's disguise would fool anyone. It turns out that wearing glasses wouldn't fool anyone, and any friend of Superman would easily see through the disguise and recognise that Superman and Clark Kent were the same person.

I'd like to personally thank the great scientific minds at York University who brought such an important piece of information into the world. Surely this knowledge will now surely benefit mankind for generations to come.

3) Exercise and dieting leads to weight loss.

Water is wet.

According to studies by Standford University, people who take regular exercise live longer than couch potatoes. You mean being healthy is healthy? Wow! I never would have predicted such a thing!

In another 'surprising revelation' William Haskell of Standford University also found that, "Increasing physical activity - if people control caloric intake - will lead to weight loss."

In other news, water is wet.

4) Drug Wars lead to increased murder rates.

In another piece of amazing scientific insight, a paper published by The American Statistician used statistical analysis to show that the Mexican drug wars led to increased homicide rates.

I'm glad they provided statistical analysis to back up their claims, otherwise I would have been highly dubious. I mean, a drug war leading to increased murder rates!? Surely that can't be right!

5) Quitting smoking after heart attack improves quality of life.

Modern doctors have realised that smoking is bad for you.

According to the American Heart Association, giving up smoking after a heart attack can lead to a better quality of life!

To be fair, this one seems obvious, but I used to work with a lady whose dad (when he was younger, many decades ago) went to the doctor with breathing difficulties, and his doctor recommended that he take up smoking to improve his breathing! That just shows you that it's only a few generations ago that doctors were total idiots.

Thankfully, medical science nowadays is definitely right about everything, and no more medical discoveries will ever be discovered because we definitely already know everything already. /s

6) Men and women are different.

"There are more than two genders" t-shirt.
Available for men and women.

Stop the press! This just in! After extensive and detailed research, Northwestern University have discovered that humans come in two distinct varieties ... men and women! They also discovered that apparently these two sexes are different.

To be fair, in a parallel of a famous scene from George Orwell's 1984, there are an increasing number of brainwashed nutters out there who believe there are seventy two genders*, rather than two. You would think 'male and female' would be the least controversial concept in the world, but it just shows you how messed up the world is right now that some muppets struggle to understand one of the most basic concepts of science.

* Please note, I haven't checked what the current figure is recently, so the total could be even higher by the time you read this.

Not all scientists are idiots, and in fact some scientists are brilliant and have discovered some very interesting things, as illustrated by the blog posts below:
The science of attraction
When science fiction becomes science fact