Saturday, 25 February 2017

Random Thoughts (Part 3)

Dentists, double glazing, and the secret to immortality.

Here are a few more random thoughts on a variety of random subjects...

"They're going for a walk without us again..."

1) How a dog sees the world...

When you go to work each morning, your dog probably thinks you're going for a walk on your own for eight hours.

2) Poor counting skills

A survey was recently carried out which asked people, "Who would you most like to run a three-legged race with?'  Top of the list of answers was Holly Willoughby, which is a perfectly understandable choice.  However, at number four on the list was, surprisingly, 'Ant and Dec.'

Ant and Dec?

In a three-legged race?

Maths must be different nowadays from when I was at school because back in my day that would have been a five-legged race.

3) "I give up."

If '\o/' means 'happy, arms in the air', does 'lol' mean 'I surrender'?

Healthy teeth.  Bad news if you're a dentist.

4) Dental distrust

Dentists make their money from people with bad teeth, so why would I buy a toothpaste recommended by 4 out of 5 dentists?

5) Keyboard frustrations

The only time I press 'Caps Lock' deliberately, is to turn it off after I've pressed it accidentally.

6) Silly sales

In recent weeks I've seen plums on sale at Aldi reduced from 75p to ... 74p!  (Save 1p!)
I've also seen t-shirts on sale at Primark reduced from £2.50 to ... £2.30!  (Save 20p!)

I don't mean to be funny, but seriously ... one pence off!?  Twenty pence off!?  Is that really going to create a surge in sales?  Are people really going to think, '75p for plums!?  I'm not paying that!  What a rip-off!' and then on their next visit think, 'Wow!  Those plums are now only 74p!  What a bargain!'

...let you see the world that's outside.
And if someone is actually too tight to pay £2.50 for a t-shirt, is a 20p reduction really going to make a difference?

7) Double glazing

If Microsoft keep counting with their versions of Windows, they will eventually release another version of Windows 95.

8) False advertising

An escalator that takes you down to the next floor shouldn't be called an escalator.  It should be called a descender.

9) Examples, illustrations, etc...

Whenever I write 'etc' it usually means I've used up all the examples I can think of.

Blow out the candles and make a wish.

10) The secret to immortality

It's common when blowing out the candles on a birthday cake to make a wish.  However, if you tell anyone your wish then the wish won't come true.  So the simplest way to achieve immortality is to blow out the candles on your birthday cake and wish that you will die that year.  Then immediately tell someone your wish, ensuring that it won't come true and thus ensuring that you live for another year.

You can find more random thoughts in my previous blog posts:
Random Thoughts (Part 1)
Random Thoughts (Part 2)

Legal disclaimer: Please note, number 10 is scientifically unsound, and is therefore not intended to be taken as rational advice.

1 comment:


    Oops, I mean number 5 for me too.


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About The Author

The 'How To Save The World' books
by Charles Fudgemuffin
Charles Fudgemuffin is the author of the alien comedy 'How To Save The World' books which are available for Kindle from Amazon.  The first book in the series is available from the following link:
How To Save The World: An Alien Comedy

As with all Kindle books, you can also download a free sample of the first few chapters.

Please note, the 'How To Save The World' books contain material suitable for ages 18+ and are not recommended for prudes or squares.