Saturday, 20 February 2016

Random Thoughts

Time travel, farts, and badly named TV shows.


The planet Saturn ... still officially a planet.
Photo copyright of NASA. Used by kind permission.
#NotReally
This week the Charles Fudgemuffin blog features a random selection of thoughts and questions which don't really fit a standard theme, so I've collected them together in a list of random thoughts...

1) Planetary destruction


Twenty years ago, if someone had told you that in the year 2016 there would only be 8 planets, you would have assumed one of the planets was going to dramatically explode or disintegrate.



2) Weird security measures


Why do I have to prove who I am when I want to pay my bills over the phone?  Do strangers ring up to pay my bills? And if so, why don't they let them?



3) Predictable Surprises


If you think about it, the TV show 'Surprise Surprise' never lives up to its name, because it's always totally obvious what's going to happen.  They get someone up on the stage who hasn't seen a long lost relative for 20 years, and then Holly Willoughby announces, "Surprise, surprise!  We've managed to track him down...  This is your long lost brother!"  You can always see what's coming because the show follows a standard predictable formula.

If they really wanted to surprise the guest they should go through the usual introductions, and then Holly should say, "And you haven't seen him for twenty years?  Well surprise, surprise ... unfortunately we haven't been able to track him down, sorry."  That would be a real surprise.



4) Nature's odour protection


Do giraffes know what farts smell like?

"Can you smell something?"
"Sniff, sniff...  Yes, I think it's clouds."
"Sniff...  No, it's tall trees."
"Sniff...  No, it's skyscrapers."


5) Long-winded 'abbreviations'


Why does the word 'fridge' have a 'd' when it's short for refrigerator, which doesn't have a 'd'?  Surely if you're abbreviating a word, then it's a silly idea to add an extra letter!



6) Surprising transformations


Do caterpillars know they're going to be butterflies, or do they just pop out of their cocoon one morning and think, "Woah! What happened here!?"



7) Time travel logic


Why were 'Back To The Future's fans so disappointed that we hadn't invented hoverboards by 2015, when by the same logic we should have invented time machines by 1985?

Time travel logic.


8) Too late...


Are 'Do not touch!' signs ever written in braille?



9) Recursive procedures


If anyone wants to know what 'recursion' means...
This should explain it.



10) Queue jumping geckos


"Yes, I'd like a to make a medical appointment, please."
"Sorry, the earliest we can fit you in is next month."
"Did I mention I'm a gecko?"
"Oh I do apologise! The doctor will see you this afternoon, Mr Gecko!"
My cousin used to have a pet gecko called Rango and unfortunately at one time it wasn't well and was having trouble with its digestion.  My cousin therefore rang the vets and managed to get an emergency appointment for Rango to go straight in and see the vet on the same day.

Rango was pretty cool, so I'm glad that she was able to get same day medical attention.  However, when I need to go to the doctors or hospital for tests, I've sometimes had to wait several months for an appointment!  Like I say, I'm glad that Rango was able to get immediate medical attention, but surely I'm more important than a gecko!

With apologies to gecko lovers, something's not right when a gecko can get seen for medical treatment within a couple of hours, and yet in the UK people can wait up to 18 weeks for treatment!*  Why aren't people as important as geckos!?

* In the UK, patients have a right to receive non-emergency treatment within 18 weeks!  For emergency treatment you should be seen within two weeks, which is better, but it's still not as fast as if you were a gecko!


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About The Author

The 'How To Save The World' books
by Charles Fudgemuffin
Charles Fudgemuffin is the author of the alien comedy 'How To Save The World' books which are available for Kindle from Amazon.  The first book in the series is available from the following link:
How To Save The World: An Alien Comedy

As with all Kindle books, you can also download a free sample of the first few chapters.

Please note, the 'How To Save The World' books contain material suitable for ages 18+ and are not recommended for prudes or squares.