Sunday, 18 May 2014

How To Make Facebook Even Better!

If you've arrived at this page expecting some sort of quiz, then read on for an explanation...

Facebook is now even better!
6 Mr Men characters like this.
Over the years facebook has gone through many changes.  Sometimes these changes are well received, while other times they don't go down so well.  However, one recent change in particular is so perfect that it's like facebook read my mind.

In fact I remember this time last year thinking, 'Facebook is pretty good now, but what would make it even better is if my timeline was jammed full of updates telling me what Game Of Thrones characters my friends were, what Mr Men/Little Miss character they were, what 70s rock band they were, what actor/actress would play them in the movie version of their life, what celebrity they'd get arrested with and generally many more mundane trivialities in which I have no interest whatsoever.'

And now ... my wish has come true!

It's like facebook read my mind!

Just to clarify things, I am actually being sarcastic and in actual fact I find all of these 'What flavour of crisps are you?' type posts quite ridiculous.  Some of the first 'What are you?' posts were actually okay in small doses, but it's getting to the stage now where they're taking over my home page and getting in the way of important facebook posts.*

* Such as football gossip and funny pictures of dogs!

So in response I've decided to follow the saying, 'If you can't beat 'em, join 'em,' and create a few 'What are you?' categories of my own.  Obviously though, I find the overdose of these 'What are you?' type posts quite annoying, so with that in mind I've tried to come up with ridiculous categories which will make people think, "Eh?  What...?" at the sheer bizarreness of the posts.

To illustrate what I mean, here's my first fictitious 'What are you?' facebook post and I've tried to create it in the typical style used by many other 'What are you?' type posts...

1) What National Day are you?

Our scientific test calculated that you are
'Step In A Puddle And Splash Your Friends Day'.
"I got 'Step In A Puddle And Splash Your Friends Day'.

"Charles, you are 'Step In A Puddle And Splash Your Friends Day'.  You're always getting up to mischief, so your friends had better look out and beware!  Everyone knows that jumping into puddles is fun, and when the puddle splashes a friend, your joy is complete!  You love any excuse for childish tomfoolery, and to top it all you look great in wellies!

Charles is 'Step In A Puddle And Splash Your Friends Day' which is celebrated every year on January 11th.

What National Day are you?  Take the test today and find out!"

Believe it or not, Step In A Puddle And Splash Your Friends Day is actually a real day, but there's no 'What National Day are you?' quiz.  The idea of someone answering a series of questions and then being matched with a national day is quite ridiculous, and any conclusion drawn from the test will surely be tenuous at best.  I would imagine it would be no more scientific than a 'What Mr Men character are you?' type quiz asking a queston like:

How would you describe your personality?
a) Strong
b) Nosey
c) Greedy
d) Tickle

Anyway, to take things even further, I've upped the ante and got even more ridiculous with this next 'What are you?' type question...

2) What Industrial Universal Joint are you?

A ridiculous 'What are you?' post in the style found
with increasing regularity these days on facebook.
"I got 'flexible disc coupling'.

"Charles, you are a 'flexible disc coupling'.  Your composite construction allows you to cope with a wide range of temperatures, and you work well with pumps, positioning systems and engine driven equipment.  Furthermore, your floating shaft design means you have a torque capacity of up to 3175 HP/100RPM!

Take the test today and find out what type of industrial universal joint you are!

Answer ten simple questions to find out what type of industrial universal joint best matches your personality.  The results may surprise you!"

Admittedly, that one was a bit surreal but when you think about it, it's no more bizarre than comparing a person's personality to a fairy tale character or a famous celebrity.  Well, maybe a little bit more bizarre.

To round things off, here's one more 'What are you?' question with another somewhat unusual answer...

3) What 'University Degree Course' are you?

Whoever dreamt up this daft quiz must have been
a bit of a basket weaver themselves.
"I got 'Underwater Basket Weaving'.

"Charles, you are 'Underwater Basket Weaving'.   Your artistic and creative approach to life is often undervalued by others who fail to recognise the true merit and rewarding nature of weaving baskets in an underwater environment.  Like many students of Underwater Basket Weaving, you are mistakenly perceived as seeking trivial pursuits in order to to avoid tough challenges.  However, the reality is somewhat different, and many of the tasks you set yourself often prove to be quite challenging.

Take the test today and find out what university course you are!

Answer ten simple questions to discover which further education course most closely resembles your personality.  The results may prove surprising!"

Believe it or not, there are actually some colleges in America where you can take a course in Underwater Basket Weaving, but of course there's no test and the idea of underwater basket weaving being representative of someone's personailty is again ridiculous.

Finally, I realise I might be coming across as a bit of a grump by moaning about all these 'What are you?' type posts, so I just want to reiterate that some of them are fun in small doses.

If anyone wants to post any of the ridiculous 'What Are You?' posts shown above on their own facebook profile then feel free to download the photos and post them on facebook.  When posting the photo it works best if you add the following text and link with the corresponding photo:

Text for Photo 1:

What National Day are you?

I got 'Step In A Puddle And Splash Your Friends Day'!

Text for Photo 2:

What industrial universal joint are you?

I got 'flexible disc coupling'!

Text for Photo 3:

What 'University Degree Course' are you?

I got 'Underwater Basket Weaving'!

And in case anyone's wondering, when someone clicks the 'smarturl' link it obviously doesn't take them to the quiz because of course there is no quiz.  Instead it actually takes them to the definition of the word 'gullible' on the Oxford Dictionary website.

Alternatively, if you'd prefer to send people to this page, you can use the link:

So basically just add 'Test' on the end of the link and it redirects them to this page.

This post was written by Charles Fudgemuffin.  Charles is the author of the alien comedy 'How To Save The World' books which are available from Payhip, Amazon and other ebook stores.

You can currently download the first book in the series for free from Payhip:
Download the first book in the series for free!

And don't worry, that's a real link!  It won't redirect you to the word 'gullible' on the Oxford Dictionary website.  It will actually take you to the download page.

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About The Author

The 'How To Save The World' books
by Charles Fudgemuffin
Charles Fudgemuffin is the author of the alien comedy 'How To Save The World' books which are available for Kindle from Amazon.  The first book in the series is available from the following link:
How To Save The World: An Alien Comedy

As with all Kindle books, you can also download a free sample of the first few chapters.

Please note, the 'How To Save The World' books contain material suitable for ages 18+ and are not recommended for prudes or squares.