Funny things kids say (part 13)

Whenever I feature a blog post on 'funny things that kids say' it always seems to get a lot of views. I'm a firm believer in listening to your audience, so with that in mind, this week's blog post features another round-up of amusing quotes from kids taken from social media, real life and the internet.

This kid demonstrates an unusual order to the burping process.

1) Reverse logic

This first nugget of wisdom was posted by a facebook friend:

Callum’s thought for the day: "If you say 'Pardon me!' for no reason, then you should always burp afterwards. Then you haven’t said it for no reason!"

Genius! You can't argue with logic like that!

Editor's note: "Charles, I have to admit, I don't often say 'pardon me' for no reason."
Charles: "Well, Callum apparently does."

Spelling is important

The English language is a difficult language to learn. It can be understood though through tough thorough thought!

With sentences like that, its no wonder that some people sometimes make spelling mistakes!

This week the Charles Fudgemuffin blog takes a look at a selection of amusing spelling mistakes.

1) Coughing for sale

The sheer bizarreness of this first example made me laugh.

Credit: imgur

"6.2 feet coughing for sale due to wrong diagnosis."

On the bright side, this was one occasion when I'm sure the patient was glad of a wrong diagnosis.

Doctor: "I'm terribly sorry. I'm afraid I made an incorrect diagnosis. You're going to live."
Patient:  "Drat! So I've wasted my money on that coughing?"
Doctor: "You mean you paid someone to cough?"

The first rule of Fight Club is... (part 2)

I went to my first Fight Club last night and unfortunately I was late so I missed the introduction where they covered the first rule. Anyway, I can safely say that I highly recommend Fight Club!

However, Fight Club isn't the only club to have a first rule. There are lots of other interesting clubs with first rules. Here are just a few...

These naughty dogs haven't been paying
attention to the first rule of Dog Club!

1) Dog Club

The first rule of Dog Club is...

You don't bark about Dog Club.

2) Clickbait Club

The first rule of Clickbait Club is...

You don't talk about rule number one, but rule number six will shock you!

Ice cream

Ice Cream by Charles Fudgemuffin

My latest book, 'Ice Cream', was recently published for kindle, so as I often like to do whenever I have a new book out, this week's blog post is on the theme of ice cream.

To clarify, I don't mean I post about ice cream every time I have a new book out.* I mean I publish a blog post on the theme of whatever the new book is about.

* Well, not unless the book is called Ice Cream.

Despite the title though, the book isn't actually about ice cream. Here's a subtle hint as to what the actual theme of the book is...

'As the saying goes, 'Revenge is a dish best served cold.' It's also said that revenge is sweet. So I guess that means that revenge is ice cream!'

Editor's note: "Charles, that wasn't very subtle. You made it pretty obvious that the book is a revenge story."
Charles: "Fine, an obvious hint then."

Anyway, enough of the waffle. My latest book may feature the theme of revenge, but this week's blog post is definitely on the theme of ice cream...

1) Which celebrity is always ready to eat ice cream?

Reese, with her spoon.

Palindromes

Was it a car or a cat I saw? Eva, can I see bees in a cave? A nut for a jar of tuna?

How many palindromes can you find in this image?

In case you're wondering, no, I haven't gone mad.* I'm simply talking in palindromes!

* Legal disclaimer: Actual sanity may differ from that claimed.

That's because this week the Charles Fudgemuffin blog features a selection of palindromic jokes and palindrome themed facts.

1) My uncomfortable friend just got a PhD on the history of palindromes.

Now we call him Dr. Awkward.




2) For UK readers, February 3rd, 2030 will be a palindromic date (03 02 2030). For US readers, you'll have to wait for June 2nd, 2060 (06 02 2060).

Random thoughts on nursery rhymes

Every now and then, I like to post about random subjects and today is one such random occasion. Today's random subject is nursery rhymes, and to start things off here are a couple of criticisms of one famous nursery rhyme in particular.

1) Rock-A-Bye Baby is a nursery rhyme about a baby in a cradle on a treetop.

On reflection, it seems like a foolish decision
to look for water at the top of the hill.

Firstly, which idiot thought it was a good idea to put a baby in a cradle at the top of a tree? Surely that's just asking for trouble!

Secondly, just as I warned, when the wind blew, the cradle and the baby fell to the ground. You have to wonder, which idiot thought it would make a nice children's tale to have a nursery rhyme about a baby falling to its death from the top of a tree!?




2) Since water doesn't flow uphill, there's a good chance that Jack and Jill were heading in the wrong direction.

Funny sports quotes (part 3)

From time to time I like to feature amusing quotes on the Charles Fudgemuffin blog, and this week I take a look at funny quotes from the world of sport.

Bonus point to anyone who can guess what sport this is.

Editor's note: "Charles, why has the goalkeeper got three arms?"
Charles: "Because AI can't count."

Football:

1) "When a player gets to 30, so does his body."
...Glenn Hoddle



2) "There's no in between. You're either good or bad. We were in between."
...Gary Lineker