Ice cream

Ice Cream by Charles Fudgemuffin

My latest book, 'Ice Cream', was recently published for kindle, so as I often like to do whenever I have a new book out, this week's blog post is on the theme of ice cream.

To clarify, I don't mean I post about ice cream every time I have a new book out.* I mean I publish a blog post on the theme of whatever the new book is about.

* Well, not unless the book is called Ice Cream.

Despite the title though, the book isn't actually about ice cream. Here's a subtle hint as to what the actual theme of the book is...

'As the saying goes, 'Revenge is a dish best served cold.' It's also said that revenge is sweet. So I guess that means that revenge is ice cream!'

Editor's note: "Charles, that wasn't very subtle. You made it pretty obvious that the book is a revenge story."
Charles: "Fine, an obvious hint then."

Anyway, enough of the waffle. My latest book may feature the theme of revenge, but this week's blog post is definitely on the theme of ice cream...

1) Which celebrity is always ready to eat ice cream?

Reese, with her spoon.

Palindromes

Was it a car or a cat I saw? Eva, can I see bees in a cave? A nut for a jar of tuna?

How many palindromes can you find in this image?

In case you're wondering, no, I haven't gone mad.* I'm simply talking in palindromes!

* Legal disclaimer: Actual sanity may differ from that claimed.

That's because this week the Charles Fudgemuffin blog features a selection of palindromic jokes and palindrome themed facts.

1) My uncomfortable friend just got a PhD on the history of palindromes.

Now we call him Dr. Awkward.




2) For UK readers, February 3rd, 2030 will be a palindromic date (03 02 2030). For US readers, you'll have to wait for June 2nd, 2060 (06 02 2060).

Random thoughts on nursery rhymes

Every now and then, I like to post about random subjects and today is one such random occasion. Today's random subject is nursery rhymes, and to start things off here are a couple of criticisms of one famous nursery rhyme in particular.

1) Rock-A-Bye Baby is a nursery rhyme about a baby in a cradle on a treetop.

On reflection, it seems like a foolish decision
to look for water at the top of the hill.

Firstly, which idiot thought it was a good idea to put a baby in a cradle at the top of a tree? Surely that's just asking for trouble!

Secondly, just as I warned, when the wind blew, the cradle and the baby fell to the ground. You have to wonder, which idiot thought it would make a nice children's tale to have a nursery rhyme about a baby falling to its death from the top of a tree!?




2) Since water doesn't flow uphill, there's a good chance that Jack and Jill were heading in the wrong direction.

Funny sports quotes (part 3)

From time to time I like to feature amusing quotes on the Charles Fudgemuffin blog, and this week I take a look at funny quotes from the world of sport.

Bonus point to anyone who can guess what sport this is.

Editor's note: "Charles, why has the goalkeeper got three arms?"
Charles: "Because AI can't count."

Football:

1) "When a player gets to 30, so does his body."
...Glenn Hoddle



2) "There's no in between. You're either good or bad. We were in between."
...Gary Lineker

The Hypocrite Awards (part 2)

I'm not a hypocrite or anything, but people who start sentences with 'I'm not a hypocrite or anything,' really annoy me!

On a related note, this week the Charles Fudgemuffin blog highlights another batch of some of the many hypocrites found in the world.

1) Hypocritical run

Here's a mini marathon where the organisers are encouraging people to 'run for gender equality'.

Credit: ifunny

If you're interested in entering, the men's race is 10 km, and the women's race is 5 km.

Recipes and diet tips

I don't mean to brag, but I'm a bit of a gourmet chef* in my spare time. I'm also an expert dietologist*, so this week I combine my two skills to bring you a blog post on the subject of recipes and diet tips.

* Actual truth may vary.

1) Here's a recipe for how to prepare tofu:

Credit: memedroid

Step 1: Throw it in the bin.
Step 2: Grill some meat.

Bad advice (part 2)

Before I get started with this week's blog post, here's a quick legal disclaimer:

Please note: The advice contained in this article is clearly labelled as bad advice. For anyone who has trouble following simple instructions, that means it would be foolish to follow it.

A bed, pictured after an argument between a husband and a wife.

Charles Fudgemuffin accepts no liability in the event that any fools happen to be reading this, and decide to ignore my warning and follow the bad advice anyway. Anyone who does follow the bad advice, does so at their own risk.

Okay, now that the legal formalities are out of the way, let's move straight on to the bad advice...

1) Husbands. Turn any sofa into a bed by telling your wife to calm down.