Funny Amazon reviews

Tongue in cheek reviews found online...

Internet reviews are a great way of praising excellent products or warning of less than great customer service. Sometimes though, as well as being informative, many reviews are also entertaining. Here's a selection of reviews found on Amazon which made me chuckle...

1) What a bargain!

Unfortunately I don't own an 85" TV so I had to
make do with this photo of an 18" TV instead.

First up is a review of a top of the range cutting edge 85" Samsung TV. Yes, that's right ... an 85 inch screen! As you'd expect for such a large TV, the price is also quite large, and the TV clocks in at a few dollars under forty grand! ($39,997.99 to be precise.) It's a great TV, but at such an exhorbitant price there may be financial implications for anyone buying one, as highlighted by this first review:

"This TV is fan freaking tastic!!!! We are now living in the box it came in but even that is roomy and quite comfy!!!!"

Perhaps the first reviewer should have paid attention to the wise words of the following helpful reviewer who travelled back from the future to leave some very useful advice:

"I am coming back from the future to write this review, and to let everyone know you can buy this TV for $699 in 2015. It still looks great though."

I suspect the bit about travelling from the future may actually be made up, but I wouldn't be surprised if the 2015 price turned out to be true.

The latest facebook hoax

The best way to respond to internet hoaxers...

Sammy The Seagull with his face pixellated to protect his privacy.

Over the last week, most people on facebook will have noticed some of their friends posting a long-winded message stating that they don't give facebook permission to use their photos, information or posts, and that violation of privacy can be punished by law UCC 1-308-11 308-103, etc, etc. Apparently, UCC 1-308-11 308-103 doesn't even relate to online privacy (and even if it did, I'm pretty sure that an American law wouldn't be much use for people in the rest of the world), and it turns out that the message was started by a sneaky prankster.

To me, the art of bluffery should only be used for playing good natured tricks on people and having a bit of daft fun. The best way to deal with an online hoax like this therefore is probably the way one facebook friend responded to it, i.e. by posting the following message:

New Year's resolutions for 2015

Last year I made five New Year's resolutions, and managed to succeed with four of them, so this year I'm going to see if I can go one better and make it five out of five successful New Year's resolutions. Here are my resolutions for 2015...

A low key scene.
Much like the plot in my forthcoming short story.

1) Publish a short story

This was the one resolution which let me down last year. However, I recently finished the first draft of one short story, and whereas my first full length book deals with an evil genocidal plot, things are more low key in this short story. It's a simple everyday 'slice of life' story, and it features minor characters from my previous books. Hopefully I'll get it published later in the year.

For sale: Self assembly snowman

In search of a little extra cash over the Christmas season...

At this time of year there always seem to be a lot of financial obligations which place a burden on your wallet. To help my fiscal situation I've therefore decided to sell a few items around the house which I personally have no use for, and with that in mind I've created a few adverts.

First up on my list of things for sale is this self assembly snowman...

iPhone 4 (640x960)

10 Santa and Christmas jokes

A few festive riddles for Christmas.

Santa taking a quick break from his festive
responsibilities to pose for a photo.

Santa is perhaps regarded by many people as an old fashioned figure who likes to uphold traditions. However, in actual fact Santa likes to think of himself as a hip and streetwise dude in touch with all the latest trends.

In fact on his journey around the world on Christmas Eve, Santa is planning to stop at every house to take a selfie. This may add some time to his journey, so kids are therefore asked to show some patience if Santa is a few hours late with their presents. Rest assured that he will arrive eventually.

As well as being hip and up-to-date, Santa is also famous for his catchphrase, "Ho! Ho! Ho!", so he obviously enjoys a laugh and has a good sense of humour. So to celebrate the festive period, here are a few Santa and Christmas themed jokes. Be warned though, that most of these puns are very cheesy and are aimed at a younger audience.

1) What did Santa suffer from when he got stuck in the chimney?
Claustrophobia.


2) What did Adam say on the day before Christmas?
It's Christmas, Eve!

Three Christmas gift ideas for the shopper with more money than sense!

There are now only 11 shopping days until Christmas, so if you're looking for a unique and creative gift for a friend, or even for yourself, then here are a few ideas which are ideal for anyone with more money than sense...

1)  Sign up to the Time Travel fund!

Time travellers from the future, pictured tomorrow.

If you're looking for an exciting gift for the friend that has everything, then here's something they probably don't have. The chance to travel to the future!

The Time Travel Fund is a website where you pay ten dollars to register your details on the time travel database. Then once people from the future discover the secret of time travel, they will then refer to this database and come back in time to get you, so they can then transport you to the future! Wow! What a brilliant present! And I'm sure that people from the future will definitely refer to this time travel database once they inevitably discover the secret of time travel.

As if the chance to travel to the future wasn't enough, you also get a signed certificate on acid free paper which you can mount on your wall. People from the future can then use this certificate for verification purposes once they come back in time to get you and transport you to the future. Pretty amazing value for only ten dollars!
Time travel fund website

10 nerd jokes (part 3)

Salt.
One of the ingredients in pun number 2.

I've mentioned before that I'm a fan of nerd related humour, so I therefore reckon it's time for another round-up of nerd jokes.

Apologies to any non-nerds for this overdose of nerdosity, but for fans of nerd jokes this latest batch of jokes features photons, root beer, and paradoxical psychologists.

1) A photon checks into a hotel and the receptionist asks him if he has any luggage. The photon replies, "No, I'm travelling light."


2) What happened when salt was touched by holy water?
Solvation.


3) How did the nerd make beer?
He put his root beer in a square cup.