Funny things kids say (part 12)

It's time for another round up of funny things that kids say. As usual the following quotes are from a variety of sources, most of them from the internet, and one or two from real life.

Beautiful stars.
So beautiful, they're worth staying up past your bedtime for.

1) The glory of creation

Here's a kid with an appreciation for the beauty of the Universe:

Kid: "Mommy, if we are supposed to sleep at night why did God make stars so beautiful?"

Credit: @MadHatterMommy

Very true, although I suspect the kid in question was just trying to stay up past their bedtime.

2) Memory issues

Exploding Unicorn is always a constant source of funny quotes from kids:

Me: "Do you have any homework due tomorrow?"
13 year old: "Not that I remember."
Me: "Do you want to check to refresh your memory?"
13yo: "I'd rather not."

Not that I remember? They sound like a politician!

3) Moustache

This next photo was posted on reddit, and apparently their four year old niece asked, "Why do all the drawers have moustaches?"

"I moustache you a question, but I'll shave it for later."

The handles do indeed look very much like moustaches, so their four year old niece asked a very valid question.

4) Death (part 1)

Here's a quote from Pre School Gems, which is a twitter account dedicated to the funny things that kids say.

"When you die, you take your body off."

That's one way of putting it!

5) Death (part 2)

Here's a rather dark quote from the giraffian website:

Steven hugged and kissed his Mum good night, and said, "I love you so much that when you die I'm going to bury you outside my bedroom window!"

I think Steven has been watching too much Bates Motel!

6) Death (part 3)

Here's a nugget of wisdom from a kid who has definitely read a history book:

"If an alien came to visit...

...I would kill it.

By Bella."

Better safe than sorry!

7) Correct your elders!

This was a brief conversation where my cousin's four year old daughter educated her grandad on fashion...

Grandad: "Oo, that's a nice jumper."
4 year old: "No, grandad. It's a cardigan, not a jumper, because if you look it's got buttons."

Well that's grandad told!

8) Fine art appreciation

Technically, this next example is more of a thing kids do, rather than a thing kids say, but either way, I found it amusing:

"Today, my five year old laughed at this painting in the middle of a museum for like six minutes."

Credit: reddit

To be fair, it is a very funny painting. I think I would have laughed as well, although maybe not for six minutes. Perhaps three or four.

9) The art of deception

This next kid has clearly been brought up to value honesty and integrity:

6 year old: "Mummy, you look different. Are you wearing make-up?"
Me: "Yes."
6yo: "You look all ... alert and active"
Me: "Thanks?"
(Pause)
6yo: "Aren’t you giving people the wrong impression?"

Credit: @cbentleywriter

10) Bilingual Barbie

An elevator and a lift, pictured yesterday.

To end on a serious note, my cousin's young daughter was playing with her Barbie dolls and she kept calling the lift in her doll house the 'elevator'. She's English, but presumably she must have picked up the American word 'elevator' from watching American cartoons on Netflix and YouTube.

Anyway, as a joke, we all started asking her lots of questions using American words, such as, "When do you go back to school after your vacation?" However, she was so used to American words that she didn't even realize we were joking!

I think it's a shame that the modern agenda of globalisation means we are losing our local and national identity to a degree. It's nice to speak the same language, but it's also nice how we both have our own words and spellings* for a handful of things, and it would be nice for that to continue.

After all, I'm sure there's room in the world for elevators and lifts, for soccer and football, and for pavements and sidewalks.

* Except for 'colour'. The American spelling of 'color' makes more sense than the Englsh spelling of 'colour' obviously, so that's one unification I'd be okay with.

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So the saying goes, you should never work with children or animals ... or psychopathic violent criminals. Coincidentally, that's also the name of one of my short stories which is available for kindle from Amazon.

If your kid has said something funny recently (or even a long time ago) then feel free to share it with the world by leaving a comment. Or alternatively, you can find more funny things kids say below:
Funny things kids say (part 10)
Funny things kids say (part 11)