Dead Man's Switch

Dead Man's Switch
by Charles Fudgemuffin

Exciting news! My latest book 'Dead Man's Switch' was released this week!

To promote it, this week the Charles Fudgemuffin blog takes a lighthearted look at the subject of death, starting with an optimistically accurate Japanese word...

1) In Japanese, the kanji for 'widow' translates as 'not dead yet person'.




2) I helped my friend hide a dead body.

He said, "Thanks."

I said, "Don't mention it."

Legal disclaimer: The above story is a work of fiction for the purposes of making a joke. In reality, my friend is extremely ungrateful, and would never say thank you.

The funny side of art

Art can be perceived as a very serious subject, but it does also have a lighthearted side. To demonstrate, this week the Charles Fudgemuffin blog takes a look at the funny side of art.

1) To start things off, here's a portrait of an old queen pictured the time when she foolishly bit into a raisin cookie thinking it was a chocolate chip cookie.

"Disgusting!"

From personal experience, I can confirm that the artist has captured her expression perfectly!

The Idiot Awards (part 6)

A wise man once said, "If you make it idiot proof, someone will just make a better idiot!"

Judging by some of the idiots featured in this week's blog post he was right, because this week the Charles Fudgemuffin blog hosts the sixth edition of the Idiot Awards.

1) Pizza idiot

The first idiot award goes not to whoever wrote the message on this pizza box, but for whoever needed such a message.

"Open box before eating pizza."

If you could eat the pizza without opening the box, that would be pretty impressive!

10 funny quiz show answers (part 11)

Contestants on TV quiz shows can win a lot of prizes ... but only if they don't give silly answers!

Thankfully, that applies to lots of contestants, as evidenced by the fact that this week the Charles Fudgemuffin blog features its eleventh round up of funny quiz show answers.

Nervous reader: "Aargh!"
Charles Fudgemuffin: "I did warn you."

However, as a warning for the first question, those of a nervous disposition should look away now...

1) "Name something that makes you scream."
"A squirrel."




2) Be very careful if you live near to this next contestant...

Les Dennis: "Other than crime, name something associated with Inspector Morse."
Contestant: "Murder."
Les Dennis: "So you don't see murder as a crime?"

Amusingly confused (part 2)

Confusion can be annoying, but it can also at times be amusing. So with that in mind, this week the Charles Fudgemuffin blog highlights another selection of amusingly confused examples.

1) Confusing sign

To start things off, here's a sign that could potentially lead to confusing amusement.

Credit: imgur

Bar.
Cocktails.
Dancing sandwiches.

"Wow! Dancing sandwiches! That sounds impressive! I never knew sandwiches could dance!"

Marketing advice

Every week I receive dozens* of emails asking me, "Charles, you run a very successful blog, and I'm sure that marketing your blog is a big part of that success. Could you therefore share some of your marketing tips with your readers?"

* Actual figure may vary.

Well, I always like to listen to my readers, so this week the Charles Fudgemuffin blog shares a few useful tips for anyone looking for marketing advice.

1) Know your audience

The first rule of marketing is know your audience. So for example if you're renting out a flat for £15,492 per month, then that makes it ideal for the budget of your average student!

Student: "£15,492 per calendar month. That's just what I'm looking for!"

A list of lists

This week the Charles Fudgemuffin blog features some of my favourite lists. And as there's several of them, that makes it a list of lists!

Worcestershire Sauce, pictured yesterday.

1) List One

The three hardest things to say:

1) I was wrong.
2) I need help.
3) Worcestershire sauce.

2) List Two

Top three ways to tell your wife she's just like her mother without her getting upset: