How to write a hepful book review

Charles Fudgemuffin highlights the key point that all good reviewers are aware of.

"...slow acoustic piano rubbish. 5/5"
A helpful review.

In the music press, when someone writes a negative review which proves unpopular with fans of the band, the reviewer will often defend their review by claiming that a review is just one person's opinion.

On the face of it, this seems fair enough, but what all reviewers need to realise is that no-one actually cares whether the reviewer enjoyed the book, movie or album, etc. When I read a review, all I care about is 'will I enjoy this book?'.

To give an example, I remember a few years ago a favourite artist of mine released a new single which I hadn't yet heard, and I therefore asked my mate for his opinion on the song. His reply was something along the lines of, "It's that slow acoustic piano rubbish... You'll love it!"

It probably sounds as if he was being quite cheeky, but that wasn't his intention at all. He simply understood the concept of a good review. I wasn't interested in whether or not my mate enjoyed the song. I just wanted to know whether I'd enjoy it. And so my mate reviewed the song with that in mind and explained that it was that 'slow acoustic piano rubbish' which I happen to love.

Bang out of order!

The other day I discovered some graffiti on my car...

It's been a few months since I last featured an iPhone wallpaper, and as my last one was uncharacteristically serious and sensible, this time I decided to return to my usual daft self and feature a more typically silly wallpaper...

Bang out of order!
iPhone 4 version (640x960)

It's based on a daft joke which is a play on words, and as usual it's available in two sizes; 640x1136 for the iPhone5 and 640x960 for the iPhone4.

Five stupid sayings (part 1)

English expressions which may seem a little strange to foreign speakers.

Sshhh!! Don't wake the baby.

Previously on this blog I've highlighted some of the sayings and expressions in other languages (such as Swedish and Korean) which may seem a little weird to English speakers, but once you analyse them they make perfect sense.

This week I'm going to take a look at a few English sayings, but unlike the logical Swedish and Korean expressions, the following English expressions don't really make much sense at all...

1) "I slept like a baby."

Rather bizarrely, this expression is used to indicate that you had a relaxing night's sleep. However, from most of the parents I've spoken to, 'sleeping like a baby' would more accurately suggest that you woke up every couple of hours crying your eyes out for no apparent reason.

10 funny quiz show answers (part 2)

More silly answers from contestants who spoke before switching on their brain.

It's been a few months since I featured a selection of funny quiz show answers on the Charles Fudgemuffin blog (including one from a contestant who reckoned the 'Six Day War' lasted for fourteen days), so here's another batch of silly quiz show answers from contestants who failed to engage their brain in gear before opening their mouths.

A car with two wheels...
(more commonly known as a motorbike).

Once again, all of the following are genuine answers from contestants who appeared on TV and radio shows over the years, and this next batch of geniuses includes experts at spelling, biology and basic arithmetic, as well as someone you definitely wouldn't want to share a lift with...

1) Presenter: "Name an occupation beginning with T."
Contestant: "Doctor."
Presenter: "No, it's T. T for Tommy. T for tango."
Contestant: "Oh. (Pause). Doctor?"


2) "Name something your car can have two of."
Answer: "Wheels."