10 jokes and memes about jobs

My ideal job would involve working for two hours per week, have 10 months holiday per year, and come with a seven figure salary. Sadly, my chances of being hired as a ******* ********** who takes ****** from ******* ************ seem unlikely, so instead I'll just have to settle for blogging!

"Hooray! It's time to go to work!"
A typical reaction from most people at the start of the work day.

This week the Charles Fudgemuffin blog features 10 job related jokes and memes...

1) I've just started work as a rubbish collector. I asked if I'll get any training, but they said I just pick it up as I go along.



2) It must be really weird getting fired if you're a security guard, because you'd have to escort yourself off the premises.



3) Whoever created this next sign either has a silly sense of humour, or they're not very good at basic arithmetic...

Silliest cryptocurrency names

If you ask someone to name a cryptocurrency, most people would probably say, "bitcoin." Bitcoin was the first cryptocurrency, and its name is perfectly logical. It's a digital currency made up of digital 'bits', so 'bitcoin' is the perfect name.

Bitcoin.
A very sensibly named cryptocurrency.

However, not all cryptocurrencies have such sensible names. Unlike myself, the very sensibly named Charles Fudgemuffin, many cryptocurrencies have rather silly and unusual names.

This week the Charles Fudgemuffin blog takes a look at some of the weirdest and silliest cryptocurrency names out there, but as I commonly like to do, to make things more interesting I've turned it into a 'true or false' quiz. Take a look at the following cryptocurrencies, and see if you can guess which are real cryptocurrencies, and which are silly fictitious inventions which I've made up.

1) Cryptomuffin

Cryptomuffin was created initially to be used primarily at bakeries in Sweden, but its popularity has since spread to Norway and a few towns in the west of Finland.

Real of fictitious?

Lottery themed memes and jokes

My latest book 'The Freedom Lottery' was released this week, so to promote it, this week's blog post features a selection of lottery themed jokes and memes.

However, I should first clarify that the plot of The Freedom Lottery has nothing to do with the regular lottery where you can win lots of money. The Freedom Lottery featured in the book of the same name, is a lottery whereby 'winning' prisoners can risk their lives for a shot at freedom by attempting to walk across the minefield which surrounds their prison without getting blown up.

Anyway, the book has 'lottery' in the title, so that's the promotional introduction over, and now let's get on with the lottery themed jokes and memes...

1) I just won $1,000,000 on the lottery and I'm donating a quarter to charity!
I'm not sure what I'm going to do with the other $999,999.75 though.



2) What's the easiest way to complete your family tree?
Post on social media that you won the lottery.

Random silliness

What the world needs now is more silliness! So with that in mind, this week the Charles Fudgemuffin blog takes a look at silly tweets, silly quotes, and random acts of silliness...

1) To start things off, here's a request from Lorraine for someone to fix this photo of her mum so that her eyes are open. Thankfully, a photoshop expert was able to help her out...

"Can someone fix this picture please of my mum. I'd like her eyes to be open. Her eyes are blue."

I'm sure you'll agree, only a very sharp eyed detective would ever be able to tell that it's been photoshopped!

How to be a rebel! (part 3)

Do not read the next sentence!

"Nobody tells me what to do, so I'll read what I want!"

Okay. You're a rebel. I like that. Now that we've established that you're a rebel, you may enjoy this week's blog post, as it features rebellious eaters, rebellious crows, and even rebellious headless people!

1) After Before Eight

To start things off, here's an example of insurrectionary confectionary.

After Eight Seven

Nobody tells me when I can eat!

Credit: reddit

True or false: Old fashioned insults (part 2)

It's National Insult Day in a few days' time*, so that means it's time for another insult themed true or false quiz! Take a look at the following insults, and see if you can guess whether they're genuine old fashioned insults from the olden days, or whether I've just made them up.

* October 28th, to be precise.

In the olden days, if someone was talking
flibbertigibbet, they were talking nonsense.
But is that true, or is it flibbertigibbet?

1) Flibbertigibbet

As I've mentioned in one of my previous posts, if someone is talking nonsense, then in China you might exclaim, "Dog fart!" to indicate that they're talking rubbish.

In the olden days, they didn't have any insults quite as amusing as "Dog fart!" but they did have the rather cool expression of 'flibbertygibbet'. To elaborate, in the olden days if you wanted to accuse someone of talking nonsense, you might say, "That's flibbertygibbet!"

Real insult or fake insult?

How many ... does it take to change a light bulb? (part 4)

As has become something of a tradition on the Charles Fudgemuffin blog, this week features another collection of light bulb jokes to celebrate National Light Bulb Day.

Wow! An entire blog post all about me!

1) How many jazz musicians does it take to change a light bulb?
A one, a two, a one two three four!



2) How many Chelsea managers does it take to change a light bulb?
No-one knows. Chelsea managers rarely last longer than a light bulb.



3) One.
How many psychics does it take to change a light bulb?