Cats and dogs (part 1)

April 11th is National Pet Day, so in honor of our our pets, here are a few observation about cats and dogs.

"Meow!" "Woof!"

1) If you died at home, your dog would be found sitting next to your corpse looking sad. Your cat would be found sitting staring at its empty food bowl.


2) When the doorbell rings, why do dogs always assume it's for them?


3) Why does Goofy stand on two legs when Pluto stands on four legs? They're both dogs.

Life is like a box of chocolates

Surely nobody throws away ice cream!
That would be extremely foolish!

A recent study found that the UK throws away an incredible £13 billion worth of food every year! There are just over 63 million people living in the UK, so that works out at £205.75 wasted per person. Just think of what you could buy with £200! You could buy every book and short story ever published by Charles Fudgemuffin, and still have over £150 left over!

Anyway, it got me thinking how important it is not to waste food, and I remembered this lesson when I recently received a box of chocolates as a thank you gift for a small favour I did for a friend. Although I appreciated the gesture, unfortunately I suffer from a chocolate allergy, so I was unable to enjoy the chocolates. I didn't want to appear ungrateful though, so I accepted the gift, and rather than throw the chocolates away, I decided instead to take them into work and leave them in the canteen with a message for people to help themselves.

Bizarre questions

I've featured stupid questions before on the Charles Fudgemuffin blog, but as a slight twist this latest batch of questions features weird and bizarre questions which were all asked by curious people on answers.com.

First of all, here's a question which I'm sure everyone has wondered at one time or another...

1) How do you make a bike using fur from a chipmunk?

"You don't!"

I think the reply sums it up. 'You don't'!

Funny job application answers (part 3)

Meteorology ... the perfect training for a job as a stock broker.

I've featured funny job application answers previously on the Charles Fudgemuffin blog, and here's another batch of silly job application responses, interview answers and CV entries from job applicants...

1) Why do you want the job?

If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here.



2) Tell of a time you made a mistake and how you dealt with it:

I stole some equipment from my old job, and I had to pay for its replacement.



3) I refer to the recent death of the technical manager. Each time I apply for the job I get a reply saying there's no vacancy but in this case, I have caught you red-handed and I even attended his funeral to be sure he was truly dead and buried. Attached to my letter is a copy of my CV and his death certificate.

Random thoughts on aliens

My latest alien themed short story 'We Come In Peace' is released this weekend for kindle, so to celebrate this week's blog post is a selection of random alien themed thoughts...

The first man on the moon was an alien backwards.

1) Maybe there's an advanced alien civilisation millions of light years away watching the Earth with their telescopes, and they really want to visit us, but they're scared of all the dinosaurs.


2) Neil A was the first human on the moon. Neil A backwards is Alien.


3) If aliens looked at earth, they would see the majority of humans losing consciousness as the earth rotates away from the sun. They would probably assume we are powered by photosynthesis.

Puzzles and riddles

I recently published the short story 'The Puppet Master' about a crazy criminal who sets his victims riddles. I featured one such riddle in an earlier blog post, but if you're not all puzzled out just yet, then here are a few more puzzles for you...

1) How many holes are in this t-shirt?

Unusual methods of counting

This week the Charles Fudgemuffin blog takes a look at various unusual methods of counting from around the world...

1) The remote South American tribes method of counting

Doctor: "Take some tablets some times a day."
Patient: "For how long?"
Doctor: "For some weeks."
Numbers are important when it comes to medicine.

I mention in one of my books that some remote South American tribes only have number words for one and two! If you go any higher than that then you just say 'some'.

So for example, if you had five beans and wanted to count them you would say, "One, two, some, some, some."

The good thing about this very laidback method of counting is that whether you're a billionaire, or you only have five pounds, you both have the same amount of money ... some!