Funny football quotes (part 18)

Another season of the Premier League comes to an end this weekend, so as is tradition on the Charles Fudgemuffin blog, this week we feature another round-up of funny football quotes from footballers, pundits and managers.

Pay attention to the 18 yard box.
It may come in useful later on...

1) "The 33 or 34 year olds will be 36 or 37 by the time the next World Cup comes around, if they're not careful."
...Kevin Keegan

If they're not careful?

I wasn't aware that being careful allowed you to prevent the ageing process?




2) "If Villa got another goal now it would change the scoreline completely."
...Tony Cottee




3) "My parents have always been there for me, ever since I was about seven."
...David Beckham

 So what were they doing from the ages one to six?

What about pandas? Is it okay if
players run around like pandas?

4) "That was the perfect penalty, apart from he missed it."
...Rob McCaffrey




5) "It's not good if players run around like penguins."
...Philippe Clement

Thank you for that important clarification, Philippe.




6) "I can't fault the Australians. They just needed a bit more quality."
...Dion Dublin

I can't fault Dion Dublin. He just needs to make less contradictory comments.




7) "Aston Villa are seventh in the league. That's almost as high as you can get without being one of the top six."
...Ian Payne

Only almost?

Tomas Rosicky,
pictured in pre-season.

8) "I love these players with two feet."
…Michael Owen

That doesn't really narrow it down much, Michael.




9) "Tomas (Rosicky) has had surgery on his knee and we expect him to be flying by pre-season."
...Gary Lewin

Wow! It's amazing what surgeons can do these days!




10) "Our poll has been unanimous so far. Eighty one percent of you think Loic Remy should go to Arsenal ahead of Chelsea."
...Sky Sports News on twitter.

I'm not sure they understand what the word 'unanimous' means.




11) "He hits it first time with his second touch."
...Phil Thompson

Manchester United players prepare
for their game against Stuttgart.

12) "It's slightly alarming the way Manchester United decapitated against Stuttgart."
...Mark Lawrenson

Only slightly alarming? I would find decapitation extremely alarming.




13) "I was surprised, but I always say nothing surprises me in football."
...Les Ferdinand

Apart from the thing that surprised you presumably, Les?




14) "Can you believe it? James Beattie's hit it on the 18-yard line ... 22 yards out!"
...Chris Kamara

Basel, pictured yesterday.

If you want an honest answer, Chris, then no, I can't believe it. 22 yards out on the 18 yard line? I suspect he was either one or the other. 18 yards out, or 22 yards out, but certainly not both.




15) "If you were to take an aerial photo of Basel today, it would look like a piece of toast with marmalade on it."
...Clive Tyldesley

You can find even more funny football quotes below:
Funny football quotes (part 16)
Funny football quotes (part 17)