10 jokes and memes about jobs (part 2)

If you're a relative of an influential politician then you may have a high paid 'consultancy job' in a foreign country which coincidentally just so happens to receive billions of taxpayers' money in foreign aid, which definitely goes to help needy people and definitely doesn't get used as back handers for politicians' relatives. **shifty eyes**

Grumpy Cat: "Why are you so sad?"
Grumpy Clown: "I was sacked for being late.
What about you? Why are you so sad?"
Grumpy Cat: "Because I'm not the real Grumpy Cat. I'm just a look-alike.
I only get paid a fraction of what the real Grumpy Cat earned!"

However, the rest of us need to get real jobs, so this week the Charles Fudgemuffin blog features another round-up of jokes and memes about jobs.

1) A clown turned up for work late on his first day and he got sacked from the circus. He's suing for funfair dismissal.

Credit: Athletico Mince



2) Being a waiter isn't the most glamorous job, but it puts food on the table.

Funny signs (part 3)

It's been quite some time since the last batch of funny signs featured on the Charles Fudgemuffin blog, so here are a few more...

1) Funerals or potatoes

To start things off, here's a sign from a company offering a strange combination of services...

"For funerals or potatoes please come to side door."

Husband: "I'm just off to Mick's funeral."
Wife: "Get some potatoes while you're there."

Who said it: Alan Partridge or Richard Madeley?

Alan Partridge and Richard Madeley are different in many ways (for example, Alan is a fictitious character, whereas Richard is a real person). However, one thing they have in common is that they have both made a long list of embarassingly funny quotes over the years!

Unlike Bill Clinton, Richard Madeley knew he was innocent.

Editor: "Charles, you've given the first answer away!"
Charles: "Oops, sorry!"

So with that in mind, this the week the Charles Fudgemuffin blog hosts a Partridge vs Madeley quiz. All you have to do is take a read of the following quotes and see if you can guess who said each quote; Alan Partridge or Richard Madeley?

1) [To Bill Clinton] "I know what it’s like to be wronged by the press. I was once accused of shoplifting. Unlike you though, I knew I was innocent."

Funny 'literally' quotes (part 5)

From time to time I literally like to feature quotes highlighting misuse of the word 'literally' on the Charles Fudgemuffin blog, but incredibly, it's been almost three years since my last round-up of amusing misused literally quotes!

Leona Lewis, pictured after winning the X Factor.

However, this week the wait is literally over, as I finally get around to featuring another batch of funny 'literally' quotes starting with a quote from Leona Lewis after she won The X Factor...

1) ''I literally jumped out of my skin!''
~Leona Lewis



2) "Aston Villa have literally metaphorically had their pants pulled down."
~Dion Dublin

Make your mind up, Dion! Which one is it!? Literally or metaphorically?

15 insults to avoid using

In just a few days' time, it will National Be Nice Day. Being nice means not insulting people, so to ensure you know what to avoid, here's a round up of some famous amusing insults which you should definitely avoid using.

"Undercooked is just how I like my lamb!"

1) "This lamb is so undercooked, it's following Mary to school!"
~Gordon Ramsay



2) Reporter: "How many people work in the Vatican?"
Pope John Paul XXIII: "About half."



3) "I never forget a face, but in your case, I'll make an exception."
~Groucho Marx