A Level Results Day jokes

This week thousands of teenagers around the country received their A level results, so I thought this would be an appropriate time to feature a collection of jokes on the theme of education. However, the first two 'jokes' actually have an element of truth to them...

If you look closely, you can see the marine biology
student's grades just below sea level.

1) What the teacher says: "Your homework tonight is to read pages 17-25."
What I hear: "No homework tonight!"


2) What the teacher says: "Your homework should be 4-6 pages long."
What I hear: "Your homework should be 4 pages long."


3) Why did the marine biology student drown?
His grades were below C level.


4) I was too nervous to open my A level results, so I asked my Geordie mate to read them out for me.  I don't know if I got As or Es!


5) If sleep is good for the brain then why is it not allowed at school?


6) Maths problems...  The only place where someone can buy 80 pineapples and nobody wonders why.


7) Breaking news: A school teacher has been found guilty of cloning kid's bank accounts for financial profit. Police say it's a case of Miss Taking Identity.

This pizza is so large it could probably feed a family of twenty!

8)  What's the difference between a BSc in Media Studies and a large pizza?
A large pizza can feed a family of four.


9) A mathematician and an accountant apply for the same job.

The interviewer asks the mathematician, "What is 250 x 4?"

The mathematician immediately replies, "1,000."

The interviewer then asks the acountant the same question, "What is 250 x 4?"

The accountant replies, "What would you like it to be?"


To round things off, here's some cautionary advice with a Lord Of The Rings theme...

10) What did Gandalf say to the students who didn't revise for their exams?
Thou shalt not pass!

- - - - - - - - - -

Finally, if your results weren't quite what you were hoping for, then here are a few examples which may give you some encouragement...

1) Jeremy Clarkson got a C and 2 Us for his A levels. Today he is worth a reported £30 million, and that figure is likely to increase dramatically with news of his recent deal with Amazon.

2) Simon Cowell left school with two O levels*. Today he is worth an estimated £300 million.

* For the benefit of any younger readers, O levels are basically what GCSEs were called in the olden days.

3) Robbie Williams left school without any qualifications. Today he is worth an estimated $200 million.

4) Alan Sugar left school with no qualifications. Today he is worth an estimated £1.4 billion.

But despite Jeremy, Simon, Robbie and Alan's financial success, as an adult I'm still contractually obliged to recommend working hard at school/college!*

* But be aware that some teachers nowadays promote evil and ridiculous narratives, so listen more to the non-insane teachers, rather than the insane teachers.

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