The first rule of Fight Club is...

As I'm sure most people are aware, the first rule of Fight Club is 'you don't talk about Fight Club', but what about other clubs? What are their first rules?

Cat: "What's the first rule of Tortoise Club?"
Tortoise: "The objects of the club are to promote humane behaviour
towards tortoises by promoting best practice for tortoise care."
Cat: "Sorry, it was just a joke that backfired.
I didn't realise there was an actual Tortoise Club."

Read on to find out...

1) Cat Club

The first rule of Cat Club is...

You don't meow about Cat Club.

2) Thesaurus Club

The first rule of Thesaurus Club is...

You don't talk, chat, discuss, converse speak, gossip, deliberate, or confer about Thesaurus Club.

Funny horse names: A true or false quiz

It's the Grand National this weekend, which for the benefit of any readers who aren't from England, is the biggest horse race in England. I'm not a great fan of horse racing, but I do appreciate the amusing names that some owners have given their horses.

"Ha, ha, ha! You're called what?"

So with that in mind this week's blog post is a horse themed true or false quiz. Take a look at the following amusing horse names and see if you can guess whether they're real horses, or whether they're just silly names which I've made up!

1) Windsorlot

You would expect a horse named Windsorlot to win a lot, but sadly Windsorlot has failed to win any of its last 15 races.¹ Perhaps it should be renamed Losesalot.

True or false?

Random thoughts (part 11)

This week the Charles Fudgemuffin blog features another selection of random thoughts on subjects as varied as birthdays, synchronised swimming, and the Mona Lisa.

To start things off, here's some advice on how to end a phone call with someone you don't like...

"I'm sorry, it must be a bad line."

1) Devious discontinuations

The best way to hang up on someone is to hang up halfway through your own sentence. That way they won't realise you deliberately hung up on them, and they'll think it was just a fault with the line.

2) Coordinated casualities

If a synchronized swimmer drowns, do their team-mates have to drown too?

Prank ideas for April Fools Day

It's April Fools Day in a few days' time, so if you're looking for inspiration for pranks, here are a few ideas...

1) Hot stuff!

Anyone want to try an Egyptian strawberry?

"Try one. They're great!"

Murray Walker quotes (part 3)

A new formula 1 season starts this weekend as the teams and drivers head to Bahrain for the opening Grand Prix of the year. So to celebrate, this week the Charles Fudgemuffin blog rounds up a few more memorable quotes from legendary formula 1 commentator Murray Walker...

A formula 1 car, pictured decades ago.

1) "And there's a dry line appearing in the tunnel. Obvious really as it has a roof."



2) "And the first five places are filled by five different cars."



3) "That's the first time he had started from the front row in a Grand Prix, having done so in Canada earlier this year."

Paradoxes

This week the Charles Fudgemuffin blog takes a light-hearted look at paradoxes, starting with Swiss cheese...

Swiss cheese.

1) The Swiss Cheese Paradox

Swiss cheese has lots of holes, so the more cheese you have, the more holes you have. However, the more holes you have, the less cheese you have.

So the more cheese you have, the less cheese you have!

2) The Arms Paradox

"If I was faced with a choice between having my arms removed and getting cystitis, I'd wave goodbye to my arms quite happily."
...Louise Wener

I think you might find that a bit hard, Louise.

Quirks of the English language (part 3)

I would imagine that English must be quite a tricky language to learn for foreign speakers, due to its many quirks and peculiarities. Here are a few more of those quirks...

A bomb about to go boom.

1) If tomb is pronounced 'toom', and womb is pronounced 'woom', then shouldn't bomb be pronounced 'boom'?



2) If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?



3) What is the only word in the English language that you can make shorter by adding two letters?
Short.