Top tips

Here are a few silly light-hearted top tips covering such random subjects as ghosts, parenthood, and hospital car parks.

Three apples.

1) Discover what you'll look like ten years older by having kids then looking in the mirror six months later.


2) Pretend you're a professional tennis player by asking your greengrocer for 3 apples and then rolling one back to him.


3) Husbands. When your wife asks you, "Do you prefer this outfit or this outfit?" simply choose any outfit at random because she won't pay any attention to your opinion anyway.

Random Star Wars thoughts

This coming Friday is Star Wars Day (May 4th), so in honour of Star Wars Day here are a few random Star Wars thoughts:

Ffffkrrrrshhzzzwooooom ... woom ... woooom.

1) In the light saber battle at the end of The Empire Strikes Back, Darth Vader cuts off Luke's right hand.

However, it wasn't all bad news for Luke, because he would still be able to type Star Wars on a keyboard! That's because all of the letters in 'Star Wars' are on the left hand side of the keyboard!


2) Why don’t jedis use the force to press the button and turn off their opponent’s lightsabers?


3) Luke Skywalker would have looked like a right idiot if he had missed his shot on the Death Star after he turned off his targeting computer.

True or false: Weird national days

There are some weird and wacky national holidays to celebrate seemingly almost everything imaginable, so in recognition of these weird and wonderful national days, this week I spotlight some of the most weird of the lot. However, to test your detective skills, I've also thrown a few fake days into the mix.

So how astute are you? Which of the following are real national days, and which are just silly fictitious days which I've just made up?

"Why thank you! Very kind of you to notice."

1) Jan 24th - National Compliments Day

This is a cool day - a day dedicated to paying compliments to your friends and colleagues. So in honour of National Compliments Day, I'd like to say "Well Done! Great job!" to whoever invented this day.

National Compliments Day - True or false?

Things that come in twos

The Boy With Two Heads
... a short story about a boy with two heads.

Many things come in twos. For examples, gloves, socks, tennis players, and salt and pepper shakers.

Another thing that comes in twos, is the number of heads on the boy with two heads! The boy with two heads is the star of my latest short story called, surprisingly enough, 'The Boy With Two Heads'.

So on the theme of twos, here's a random selection of other things which come in twos...

1) Gloves

Unless you're Michael Jackson!

If your girlfriend has a pair of these, she's a keeper.

Cats and dogs (part 1)

April 11th is National Pet Day, so in honor of our our pets, here are a few observation about cats and dogs.

"Meow!" "Woof!"

1) If you died at home, your dog would be found sitting next to your corpse looking sad. Your cat would be found sitting staring at its empty food bowl.


2) When the doorbell rings, why do dogs always assume it's for them?


3) Why does Goofy stand on two legs when Pluto stands on four legs? They're both dogs.

Life is like a box of chocolates

Surely nobody throws away ice cream!
That would be extremely foolish!

A recent study found that the UK throws away an incredible £13 billion worth of food every year! There are just over 63 million people living in the UK, so that works out at £205.75 wasted per person. Just think of what you could buy with £200! You could buy every book and short story ever published by Charles Fudgemuffin, and still have over £150 left over!

Anyway, it got me thinking how important it is not to waste food, and I remembered this lesson when I recently received a box of chocolates as a thank you gift for a small favour I did for a friend. Although I appreciated the gesture, unfortunately I suffer from a chocolate allergy, so I was unable to enjoy the chocolates. I didn't want to appear ungrateful though, so I accepted the gift, and rather than throw the chocolates away, I decided instead to take them into work and leave them in the canteen with a message for people to help themselves.

Bizarre questions

I've featured stupid questions before on the Charles Fudgemuffin blog, but as a slight twist this latest batch of questions features weird and bizarre questions which were all asked by curious people on answers.com.

First of all, here's a question which I'm sure everyone has wondered at one time or another...

1) How do you make a bike using fur from a chipmunk?

"You don't!"

I think the reply sums it up. 'You don't'!