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| Earth. Home to numerous idiots. |
1) Law abiding criminals
To start things off, this week's first Idiot Award goes to Geoffrey Vos who proposed that the government should introduce a new law to force people to carry a mobile phone that was permanently switched on, because this would make it easier to track and catch criminals.
Yes, of course it would, Geoffrey, because criminals would definitely follow the law, wouldn't they?
Oh, hang on ... I think I've spotted one tiny flaw in Geoffrey's logic, which I've highlighted with the following conversation between two hypothetical criminals...
Knuckles Malone: "Okay, so we're about to go out and rob a bank. Let's just check we've got everything..."
Shifty McGee: "Gun, mask, stripy jumper... Yes, I think that's everything."
Knuckles: "Hang on! We almost forgot the most important item of all!"
Shifty: "What's that?"
Knuckles: "Our GPS mobile phone so that the police can trace us to the scene of the crime and therefore make it easier for them to get a successful conviction."
Shifty: "Oops, silly me! (Slaps forehead). How embarrassing it would have been if we forgot our mobile phones while we were robbing the bank!"
Knuckles: "Yes, because of course, we don't want to break the law ... when we rob the bank."
If Geoffrey Vos happens to be reading this, then seriously Geoffrey, are you for real? Your proposed law would only work if it was aimed at law-abiding criminals, and I have to say, by definition, law abiding criminals aren't very common.
But other than that one tiny flaw, it's an otherwise brilliant idea!
2) Stating the obvious...
The next Idiot Award goes to a journalist who clearly doesn't have a very high opinion of their readers' intelligence. Here's a screenshot from the article in question which reports on the disputed death of Cecil the lion's brother...
May I draw your attention to the following sentence...
"Cecil the lion's brother, who is also a lion..."
Really? Cecil the lion's brother is also a lion? Wow! Who would have guessed!?
I'm going to go out on a limb here, and say, did that really need to be pointed out? I'm pretty sure most readers will be familiar with how nature works.
3) Time paradox
Something tells me the HR department in this next tweet didn't do their job research properly...
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| The successful applicant must have the ability to warp time. |
"Found a job opening that requires 8+years of Swift experience.
Swift is a programming language that came out 3 years ago."
If anyone's curious, Swift first appeared on 2nd, June 2014, so 8+ years of Swift experience would indeed appear to be a somewhat tricky requirement.
4) False advertising
The next Idiot Award goes to Netflix for their dubious use of the word anywhere.
Here's a screenshot from when I tried to access Netflix while I was backpacking around the world on my travels...
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| Netflix, available anywhere! Sorry, Netflix is not available in your country. |
What part of 'anywhere' do Netflix not understand?
5) You had one job...
To round things off, the final Idiot Award goes to the Starbucks genius behind the following foolish decision...
With the amount of plastic polluting the oceans, Starbucks decided to do their bit for the environment and replace the plastic straws in their stores with paper straws.
It sounds good so far, until some bright spark at Starbucks decided to wrap the paper straws ... in plastic packaging!
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| You had one job. |
Starbucks announcement : "To do out bit for the environment, we are replacing our plastic straws with paper straws. These paper straws will come wrapped in plastic."
I'm going to go out on a limb here once again and say, doesn't that kind of defeat the object?
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All five winners of this week's Idiot Awards have excelled in the field of idiocy, but who in your opinion is the biggest idiot of all? It's time to vote...
Sadly, with all of the idiots in the world, I suspect I may be publishing another round-up of Idiot Awards sometime in the future.
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