Saturday, 29 August 2015

"Everton are literally a bag of Revels!"

Non-literal use of the word literally.

As time goes by, languages evolve and words which once meant one thing can gradually come to be used to mean something else.  One such word which has changed it's meaning over the years is the word 'literally' ... and now it's official!

A Norwegian woman wearing her birthday suit.
The latest edition of the Oxford Dictionary includes an additional definition which acknowledges that when used informally, 'literally' can be ‘used for emphasis rather than being actually true’ such as ‘we were literally killing ourselves laughing’.

In honour of this linguistic update, I've listed below a few sporting examples which literally conjure up some strange images.  First of all, as you can see from this opening quote, child-birth must be absolute agony for Norwegian woman...

1) “You were up against the Norwegians who are literally born on skis.”
...Kate Silverton

2) “Everton are literally a bag of Revels.”
...Paul Merson

Saturday, 22 August 2015

A 'Would You Rather?' For The World

The pointlessness of violence...

Usually on the Charles Fudgemuffin blog I generally just feature daft blog posts about silly subjects.  However, sometimes all the rubbishness in the world can make it hard to be silly, so I thought that this week I would feature a brief excerpt from the 'How To Save The World' books.  The excerpt focuses on a 'Would You Rather?' dilemma and a conversation which sums up the pointlessness of violence.

The scene features Eric and Zanya, and takes place on the distant alien planet of Fem.  Eric mentions the troubles between the Femlings and the Fyralings, but the sentiments are true wherever you live...

      “I’ve got a ‘Would You Rather?’ for you.  Would you rather let yourself be full of hate and devote your entire life to nurturing that hate and letting it fester away inside you…”  Eric paused for effect.  “...or would you rather just party it up every night having loads of fun and just not bother with all that hate rubbish?”

Saturday, 15 August 2015

A Level Results Day

Identity theft, large pizzas and dubious hearing...

This week thousands of teenagers around the country received their A level results, so I thought this would be an appropriate time to feature a collection of jokes on the theme of education.  However, the first two statements actually have an element of truth to them...

If you look closely, you can see the marine biology
student's grades just below sea level.
1) What the teacher says: "Your homework tonight is to read pages 17-25."
What I hear: "No homework tonight!"

2) What the teacher says: "Your homework should be 4-6 pages long."
What I hear: "Your homework should be 4 pages long."

3) Why did the marine biology student drown?
His grades were below C level.

4) I was too nervous to open my A level results, so I asked my Geordie mate to read them out for me.  I don't know if I got As or Es!

Saturday, 8 August 2015

Silly Statuses

When links aren't quite what they seem.

A photo link from one of my recent silly statuses.
Anyone who follows me on facebook or twitter may have noticed that I'm often in a silly mood, so over the last few months I've been posting the occasional silly status.

Each of the following statuses makes a supposedly sensible claim, and is accompanied by a link providing further information.  However, when you click the link you discover that although the original claims are true, they're nevertheless not always quite what you might expect...

1) First up is a status which will appeal to internet users looking for a foolproof method to get free wifi.  However, it involves dubious methods ... or does it?

"A clever wifi hack that lets you use any password protected wifi connection:"

Saturday, 1 August 2015

Funny Google Predictions Quiz

Killer apples, pregnant men and bra wearing sons...

The world.
Find out how to save it with Google search.
One clever feature of Google Search is that Google learns from previous searches, and then uses this information to create its 'auto-complete' feature.  This means that when you start typing a search term, Google will offer predictive suggestions of what it thinks you're about to type.

For example, if you type 'How To Save The', Google will offer predictive suggestions such as:

How To Save The World
How To Save The Rainforest
How To Save The Environment

Most of the time the auto-complete predictions are quite logical.  However, on a few occasions they can be quite unexpectedly bizarre, so this week I've decided to highlight a few of these surprising Google suggestions in the form of a quiz.

About The Author

The 'How To Save The World' books
by Charles Fudgemuffin
Charles Fudgemuffin is the author of the alien comedy 'How To Save The World' books which are available for Kindle from Amazon.  The first book in the series is available from the following link:
How To Save The World: An Alien Comedy

As with all Kindle books, you can also download a free sample of the first few chapters.

Please note, the 'How To Save The World' books contain material suitable for ages 18+ and are not recommended for prudes or squares.