Funny football quotes (part 3)

Two footballs, pictured yesterday.

From time to time I feature amusing football quotes on the Charles Fudgemuffin blog, and as a new season of the Premier League kicks off today, I thought it would be an appropriate time to round up another batch of daft football quotes to celebrate the start of a new season.

However, to make things a bit more interesting I've also included one made-up quote. All except one of the following quotes are real, so see if you can guess which is the made-up quote…

1) "They're the second best team in the world, and there's no higher praise than that."
...Kevin Keegan


2) "I don't want Rooney to leave these shores but if he does, I think he'll go abroad."
...Ian Wright


3) “I would have given my right arm to be a pianist.” 
...Sir Bobby Robson

Everything you ever wanted to know about...

Which of the following book titles would be least likely to be a commercial success if it was published as a kids' book?

Everything You Ever Wanted To Know About...

At the moment I'm currently proof-reading my latest scifi comedy book ready for it to be published on Amazon within the next couple of months.

At one stage in the story, the main character recalls a kids' book which he once wanted to buy for his nephew as a joke present. In his opinion the title of the book in question was a totally ridiculous idea for a kids' book and he jokily mocks how daft an idea it was to publish a kids' book about a subject which kids will clearly have no interest in.

This was based on a real book which I saw in a book shop one day, and the main character's mockery was fine when it was just in draft form and I was the only reader. However, now that I'm at the stage where my book is actually about to be published and other people will be able to read it, I feel a bit sly about mocking a real book. I'd therefore feel more comfortable changing the name slightly and using a made-up name for the book.

Daft office pranks (part 3)

Yet another example of office related japery.

This daft trick requires fast typing skills.

Readers of my blog may recall that from time to time I like to write about various childish tricks that I used to play on people when I worked in an office.

This next daft office prank is another trick which I used to play back when I used to work for the council on the pensions team. Anyone who’s worked in an office will have probably come across at some stage the use of shared spreadsheets which everyone in the office has the ability to update. A consequence of this is the possibility that on occasion you will try to get into a shared spreadsheet but unfortunately someone else will already be using it which means it’s locked for editing. In those cases Excel will give you a message along the lines of: