Everything you ever wanted to know about...

Which of the following book titles would be least likely to be a commercial success if it was published as a kids' book?

Everything You Ever Wanted To Know About...

At the moment I'm currently proof-reading my latest scifi comedy book ready for it to be published on Amazon within the next couple of months.

At one stage in the story, the main character recalls a kids' book which he once wanted to buy for his nephew as a joke present. In his opinion the title of the book in question was a totally ridiculous idea for a kids' book and he jokily mocks how daft an idea it was to publish a kids' book about a subject which kids will clearly have no interest in.

This was based on a real book which I saw in a book shop one day, and the main character's mockery was fine when it was just in draft form and I was the only reader. However, now that I'm at the stage where my book is actually about to be published and other people will be able to read it, I feel a bit sly about mocking a real book. I'd therefore feel more comfortable changing the name slightly and using a made-up name for the book.

I'm therefore looking for some help to decide what fictitious book title to use for this book which the main character mocks, and I need a book title which fulfills two criteria. Firstly, it has to be a book which would hold no interest whatsoever for a young kid. And secondly, it has to be a ridiculous idea for a commercially successful book.

So for example a book called 'Everything You Ever Wanted To Know About Opera' would fulfill the first criteria (as I doubt that many young kids are into opera music), but it might not necessarily fulfill the second criteria, as there could possibly be a few misguided opera-loving parents who might foolishly buy the book for their kids in the hope that their kid might also take an interest in opera music.

So if any readers or authors could spare a few moments to click which of the following options they reckon would be the daftest idea for a kids' book then I'd greatly appreciate it. Here are the options:

Everything You Ever Wanted To Know About...

Like I say, the book title has to fulfill two criteria. Firstly, it has to be something which a kid would open on Christmas morning and think, 'Are you for real? Why would I ever want to read a book about *******?' And secondly, it has to be a book which a commisioning editor at a publishing company would look at and scratch their head in puzzlement thinking, 'How on Earth did anyone ever think it would be a good idea to write a book called 'Everything You Ever Wanted To Know About *******'?'

Wallpaper, potatoes, salt, igneous rocks and Pascal's Triangle aren't the only possibilities for daft book titles though, so if anyone can think of a better suggestion for an 'Everything You Ever Wanted To Know About...' book title which fulfills the two listed criteria, then feel free to add a comment at the end of this post.

Footnote: Just for the record, I'm sure the real kids' book in question was a very well written book, so the main character is in no way criticising the quality of the writing. Nor is he criticising its educational value. He simply finds it a bit weird that anyone would ever think a kids' book with such a title would be a commercial success.

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Although the main character in my book mocked the strangely named kids book that he saw in a book shop, I'm admittedly a little bit of a hypocrite because I've published a few strangely named short stories myself. For example, 'Wagon Wheels, Star Wars Memorabilia and the Nice Ham' is admittedly a rather unusual title for a short story.

I also have to concede that 'Never Work With Children Or Animals ... Or Psychopathic Violent Criminals' is another non-conventional title for a short story.

Finally, 'The Cashier Who Didn't Work Saturdays' is another of my unusually entitled short stories.

For the benefit of any readers who are into strangely named short stories, all of the above titles are available for kindle from Amazon.

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