Happy new year! (2026 edition)

Another year over and another new year upon us, so as is traditional on the Charles Fudgemuffin blog, I'd like to wish all my readers a wonderful new year!

Here at the Charles Fudgemuffin blog,
we're proud to do our bit for recycling.

Or if you're not a regular reader, and you just somehow ended up here by mistake, then I'd also like to wish you a reasonably okay-ish new year.

Anyway, to celebrate the new year, here's a collection of jokes, tips, and facts with a new year theme.

1) My new year's resolution this year is to lose ten pounds.

Only fifteen pounds to go!




2) Happy birthday to everyone on reddit who didn't bother entering their real birthday when setting up their account!




3) Approximately 45% of Americans make new year's resolutions, but a massive 81% will break their resolutions by February.

Bonus top tip. Be part of the 19% who stick at it!*

* As long as you make a good resolution obviously. This advice doesn't apply if your resolution is foolish or ill advised.

Legal disclaimer: Charles Fudgemuffin accepts no liability in the event that any readers choose foolish resolutions which result in negative consequences. Charles recommends always choosing positive new year's resolutions.




4) My new year's resolution is to stop using spray deodorants.

Roll on 2026!




5) Someone has ripped the fifth month out of my calendar.

A calendar with today's date circled.
Unles you're reading this in the future, in which case
it's a calendar with a date from the past circled.

I'm dismayed!




6) Top tip for people on a budget looking to save money:

In 2026, you'll be able to reuse calendars from the years 1931, 1942, 1953, 1959, 1970, 1981, 1987, 1998, 2009, 2015.

Or for the benefit of any extremely old readers, a calendar from 1506 could also be reused. However, if you do own a calendar from 1506, I would recommend selling it, rather than reusing it, as it's probably worth a lot of money.

Legal disclaimer: Charles Fudgemuffin is not an antiques expert. Always seek your own advice before assessing the value of calendars from 1506, or any other years for that matter.




7) Did you hear that Dracula passed out at midnight on New Year's Eve?

There was a count down.

An expert,
as proven by the fact that he's wearing
a white coat and carrying a clipboard.

8) I always forget what people tell me at new year's parties.

It goes in one year and out the other.




9) Karen: "What's your new year's resolution?"
Bob: "I've resolved to stop being so judgemental of others."
Karen: "My resolution is to trust the government more, to trust the experts more, and to trust the media more. After all, the government, the experts, and the media would surely never lie to us for financially motivated gain or power-seizingly motivated gain!"
Bob: (sigh) "I just broke my resolution."




10) Finally, my biggest goal for 2026 is to accomplish all my goals from 2025 which I should have done in 2024 because I promised to do them in 2023 after planning them in 2022.

As a way of saying goodbye to 2025, here are a couple of my favourite blog posts from the previous year:
Happy animals
Faces in things (robot edition)