All of the following news items may or may not be true... **shifty eyes**
1) A local toddler was taken into custody by police after he refused to go to bed at his naptime.
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| A pug at Barking station on his way to Tooting. |
2) A man has trained his dog to play the trumpet on the London Underground.
The dog went from Barking to Tooting in just over an hour.
3) A librarian has been found crushed to death under a pile of books.
Police analysed the poor construction of the room, and concluded he only had his shelf to blame.
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| Not covered. |
There was no coffin at the funeral.
5) Insurance companies are warning campers, if your tent is stolen during the night, you won't be covered.
6) Traffic news: A lorry carrying snooker equipment has crashed on the M1 motorway.
Police are reporting cues in both directions.
7) An organized crime gang has stolen £850,000 worth of energy drinks from a Red Bull warehouse.
A spokesman said, "I don't know how they sleep at night!"
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| "Third time lucky." |
8) The inventor of the USB stick has died.
At his funeral, they gently lowered the coffin into the grave, then pulled it back up, turned it the other way, then lowered it in again, before realizing it was the right way the first time!
9) A 50,000 square foot Temu warehouse in China went up in flames yesterday.
The total loss of stock has been estimated at $37.66 USD.
Finally, here's some news that will shatter the childhood memories of readers of a certain age...
10) Breaking news: New evidence suggests the Button Moon landings were faked!
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| Credit: @mummacrackersxtra |
The moon has no significant atmosphere, and also the temperatures are really cold, so it must have taken ages for those clothes to dry on the washing line!
Whether you prefer silly fictitious news, or silly real news, we've got you covered below:
Breaking news (part 1)
Weird headlines (part 2)
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