Random thoughts on nursery rhymes

Every now and then, I like to post about random subjects and today is one such random occasion. Today's random subject is nursery rhymes, and to start things off here are a couple of criticisms of one famous nursery rhyme in particular.

1) Rock-A-Bye Baby is a nursery rhyme about a baby in a cradle on a treetop.

On reflection, it seems like a foolish decision
to look for water at the top of the hill.

Firstly, which idiot thought it was a good idea to put a baby in a cradle at the top of a tree? Surely that's just asking for trouble!

Secondly, just as I warned, when the wind blew, the cradle and the baby fell to the ground. You have to wonder, which idiot thought it would make a nice children's tale to have a nursery rhyme about a baby falling to its death from the top of a tree!?




2) Since water doesn't flow uphill, there's a good chance that Jack and Jill were heading in the wrong direction.




3) Mary, Mary, Quite Contrary, claimed that she had silver bells, cockle shells, and pretty maids growing in her garden.

I'm a fan of gardening myself, so thanks to my gardening experience, I know that it's totally impossible to grow bells, shells and pretty maids in a garden.

Prince Charming: "Cinderella is my true love!
Also, I can't remember what she looks like, so I'll just
have to track her down using her slipper which fell off."

So sorry, Mary, but I'm pretty sure your claims are false.




4) Isn't it weird how Prince Charming couldn't just remember what the woman he'd fallen in love with looked like?

It seems like a fairly major oversight on his part.




5) Also, isn't it also a bit weird that no other women in the entire kingdom had the same shoe size as Cinderella?

I'm not suggesting Cinderella should have worn slippers like these
ones, but I mean, high heeled slippers made of glass!? Come on!

6) Furthermore, if Cinderella's shoe was a perfect fit, then why did it fall off? Something doesn't add up.




7) Finally, who wears slippers made of glass!?

To make it even more ridiculous, Cinderella's slippers were high heeled! Who wears high heeled slippers made of glass? What a ridiculous fashion choice!

Editor's note: "Cinderella. That's who wears high heeled slippers made of glass."
Charles: "Yes, I know that. It was a rhetorical question."




8) 'Four and twenty blackbirds' is a lot to be baked in a single pie.

That must have been be a really big pie!

Kings' servant: "Oh no! Humpty Dumpty's fallen!"
Foolish servant: "No problem! I'll just ask the king's horses
to put him back together again!"
King's servant: "Horses? To reassemble an egg? Are you sure?"

9) The reason they couldn't put Humpty Dumpty back together again is probably because they got the king's horses to help.

Horses generally aren't well known for their egg reassembly skills.




10) Finally, nowhere in the nursery rhyme does it say that Humpty Dumpty was an egg.

You can find more random thoughts on other subjects below:
Random thoughts on aliens
Random Christmas thoughts