Saturday, 14 January 2017

Don't Try This At Home!

Apparently, viewers are too stupid to realise how dangerous the following stunts are...


Public Service Announcement:
Necklaces should be worn in the traditional manner, and
not ripped through the neck for entertainment purposes.
Last week I featured a photo of me dancing on top of a flying aeroplane, and I captioned it with the warning...

"Don't try this at home!'


With hindsight, I may perhaps have underestimated the intelligence of my blog readers, as I would guess that most readers probably already realised that dancing on the roof of a aeroplane during a flight was dangerous.

Judging by many TV shows nowadays, it seems that some TV producers also underestimate the intelligence of their viewers, because the legal disclaimer 'Don't try this at home' seems to pop up at even the merest hint of danger.

For a stunt which is unexpectedly risky, you can maybe understand the logic of this warning, but other times you have to really question how stupid they must think we are if we need to be warned not to try some of the most dangerous stunts at home.

Here are a few examples I've noticed while watching TV over the last few months...

1) Ripping a necklace through your throat


Dynamo: Magician Impossible...

Dynamo swallows a polo, then forces a necklace into his throat.  He then rips it back out through his skin with the polo attached.  An impressed David Haye then warns viewers...

"Don't try this at home!"

Surprisingly, I had no plans to try ripping a necklace out of my neck through my skin, but even if I was foolish enough to consider such a painful act of self-mutilation, I unfortunately lack the required magical skills to make a polo from my throat magically wrap itself around the necklace.




"Hmm, what hijinks and shenanigans can I get up to with this?"

2) Swinging a chainsaw round on a rope


Disconnect...

In the movie Disconnect, a short clip plays of a man swinging a chainsaw round on a rope.  The man announces...

"Don't try this at home, cos it's really really dangerous!"

Don't swing a chainsaw round on a rope you say?  Phew, I'm glad you warned me because that's just what I was about to do!




3) Using an electric drill on your stomach


The Unbreakable Man on The History Channel...

The 'unbreakable man' from the title of the show presses an electric drill against his stomach, neck and forehead prompting the warning....

"Don't try this at home!"

Seriously?  You really think that after watching a dude press a drill into his head that viewers would go, "Oo, that looks cool!  I think I'll have a go at that myself."




4) Squirting a fire extinguisher in someone's face


Fire extinguishers should be used for extinguishing fire,
similar to that pictured above.
Celebrity Juice...

Keith Lemon squirts a fire extinguisher into Fearne Cotton's goggled face, then cautions...

"Don't try this at home!"

To be fair, Keith Lemon was probably mocking the stupidity of the saying himself when he said it.  After warning viewers not to repeat his stupidity at home, Fearne Cotton then helpfully adds, "...or ever!"





5) Impaling yourself with a javelin


This is what happened to one unfortunate person
who ignored the advice and 'tried this at home'.
Dynamo: Magician Impossible...

Another impressive stunt by Dynamo was when he met top athlete Jessica Ennis.  After performing a clever trick whereby he transformed Jessica's gold medal into a chocolate medal, he then proceeded to stab himself through the stomach with a javelin.  The javelin apparently went right through his body and out the other side.  This was accompanied by the helpful warning...

"Don't try this at home!"

So just to clarify, any viewers watching this at home shouldn't try stabbing themselves through the stomach with a javelin.  Okay, I'll try to remember that.  Don't stab myself in the stomach with a javelin.  Okay, got it.  Thanks for the tip!


Free ebook for UK/US readers.

Finally, here's a comment from a friend on facebook which points out the stupidity of the 'Don't try this at home' warning...

"When I was a kid we didn't need to be told 'Don't try this at home!' because we weren't complete morons back then."

Being serious, I can remember seeing 'Don't try this at home!' warnings accompanying dangerous stunts on TV when I was young, so it seems that even in the olden days, TV programmes assumed viewers were mindless fools.

Although actually, er ... I've just remembered that was only a couple of years ago because I'm still quite young obviously, so I couldn't comment on the olden days as that was well before my time.

. . . . . . . .

Warning for imbeciles: The stunts described in this article were performed by trained professionals/magicians/irresponsible people, so remember...

"Don't try them at home!"




If you want to check out something else you shouldn't try at home, then take a look at my blog post on the fire skipping rope, a popular night-time activity for drunken backpackers in Koh Phangan:
The Fire Skipping Rope: A Compilation Video 

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About The Author

The 'How To Save The World' books
by Charles Fudgemuffin
Charles Fudgemuffin is the author of the alien comedy 'How To Save The World' books which are available for Kindle from Amazon.  The first book in the series is available from the following link:
How To Save The World: An Alien Comedy

As with all Kindle books, you can also download a free sample of the first few chapters.

Please note, the 'How To Save The World' books contain material suitable for ages 18+ and are not recommended for prudes or squares.