Sunday, 4 June 2017

How To Poison Your Husband And Get Away With It

'How To Poison Your Husband And Get Away With It'
To clarify, it's a short story collection, not a 'How To' guide!
Today sees the release of a new book from Charles Fudgemuffin entitled 'How To Poison Your Husband And Get Away With It'.

For the avoidance of any doubt, 'How To Poison Your Husband And Get Away With It' is a collection of short stories. It is not a 'How To' guide. Apologies to anyone with sinister intentions who arrived at this page after a nefarious internet search.

'How To Poison Your Husband And Get Away With It, and Other Short Stories' is priced at £1.99/$2.99, but the ten short stories from the collection are also available individually. As a promotional offer, one short story will be free each weekend for the next ten weeks! That means if you were to download each free short story each weekend for the next ten weeks, you could get the entire book for free!

The first short story is available for free this weekend, and is entitled 'Is A KitKat A Chocolate Bar Or A Biscuit?'  As you've probably already guessed from the title, 'Is A KitKat A Chocolate Bar Or A Biscuit?' is a story about a local gangster, his closest life-long friend, and a local punk.

Week two sees 'True Freedom' on offer for free. True Freedom is a more serious short story with a serious tone, and is therefore published under my more serious alter-ego ... Charles Futch-Moffin.

Week three's free short story is the catchily titled 'The Cashier Who Didn't Work Saturdays'. It's a story about a cashier who doesn't work Saturdays. It also features a bank robbery. Anyone who wants to avoid spoilers should look away now... (Spoiler alert: The bank robber is stupid.)

The ten short stories from 'How To Poison Your Husband And Get Away With It'.
Week four sees 'The Absence Of Fear' available for free. 'The Absence Of Fear' is a short story featuring someone with Urbach-Wiethe disease, which as I'm sure everyone knows is a condition which leaves the sufferer unable to feel fear. I've never experienced Urbach-Wiethe disease myself, nor have I ever met anyone with it, so 'The Absence Of Fear' is likely to be quite unrealistic. However, that's okay because I didn't set out to write an accurate portrayal of Urbach-Wiethe disease. I set out to write a daft short story, and that's what it is.

Week five's free short story has rather a cliched title. It's called 'Wagon Wheels, Star Wars Memorabilia and the Nice Ham' so apologies in advance for giving it such a well-worn predictable overused title.

Week six features 'The Puppet Master' on offer for free. A mysterious figure wearing two puppets on his hands is shooting random people with poison darts. He then sets his victims a puzzle which they must solve in return for the antidote. Is this 'Puppet Master' crazy? Or is there a method to his madness?

Week seven's free short story is entitled 'Gravity' and takes place on the roof of a multi-storey building. Well, most of it takes place on the roof of a multi-storey building, but as you might have guessed from the title, as the story develops, gravity features in the equation.

'A Parcel For Your Neighbour'
A boring title, but an explosive cover.
Week eight sees 'A Parcel For Your Neighbour' on offer for free. Despite the admittedly boring title, things get rather tense as the story develops, as you can see from the cover photo.

Week nine's free offering 'Walk Again' is in my opinion the most unsettling of the collection. While most of the other short stories are generally silly and light-hearted, this one is a lot more disturbing.

Finally, week ten's free short story is the title story from 'How To Poison Your Husband And Get Away With It, and Other Short Stories'. As you may therefore have worked out, it is also entitled 'How To Poison Your Husband And Get Away With It'.

Anyone who decides to purchase the short story collection, should make sure they buy the book with the 'and Other Short Stories' addendum in its title. If you buy the individual short story without the 'and Other Short Stories' addendum, you don't get the other short stories. You only get the one short story. Sorry if that was obvious (Editor's note: It was.) but I thought I'd just point it out for the benefit of any stupid people.

Here's a quick summary of the free schedule, without all the waffle...

June 4th-5th  Is A Kitkat A Chocolate Bar Or A Biscuit?
June 10th-11th  True Freedom
June 17th-18th  The Cashier Who Didn't Work Saturdays
June 24th-25th  The Absence Of Fear
July 1st-2nd  Wagon Wheels, Star Wars Memorabilia and the Nice Ham
July 8th-9th  The Puppet Master
July 15th-16th  Gravity
July 22nd-23rd  A Parcel For Your Neighbour
July 29th-30th  Walk Again
August 5th-6th  How To Poison Your Husband And Get Away With It

'Is A Kitkat A Choclate Bar Or A Biscuit' is free this weekend.
(Unless you're reading this in the future,
in which case it won't be free anymore.)
All of the short stories are available now priced £0.99/$0.99, but as they're all really short I would recommend downloading them when they're free, rather than paying for them. Alternatively, you can purchase them all as a collection in the book 'How To Poison Your Husband And Get Away With It, and Other Short Stories' which is also released today.

Here's a short blurb for 'Is A Kitkat A Chocolate Bar Or A Biscuit?' which is free this weekend:

"Local gangster Stephen 'Cobra' Barton and his best mate Marmaduke argue over whether a Kitkat is a chocolate bar or a biscuit. When a gruesome discovery leaves Cobra regretting this trivial disagreement, he resolves to do something to make amends..."

Despite the fact that it has quite a daft tone to it, 'Is A Kitkat A Chocolate Bar Or A Biscuit?' does, however, also include some scenes featuring violent criminal acts. Do not try these criminal acts at home. In fact don't try them anywhere!

Download 'Is A Kitkat A Chocolate Bar Or A Biscuit?' for free (this weekend only):
'Is A Kitkat A Chocolate Bar Or A Biscuit?'


Update: Please note, because I accidentally clicked the wrong button due to a complex legal issue which I am not at liberty to discuss at this present time, 'The Absence Of Fear' will be released two weeks later than the other short stories.

2nd Update: Thankfully, I managed to go back and click the right button I was able to resolve the legal issue, so all ten of the short stories will now be available from today.

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About The Author

The 'How To Save The World' books
by Charles Fudgemuffin
Charles Fudgemuffin is the author of the alien comedy 'How To Save The World' books which are available for Kindle from Amazon.  The first book in the series is available from the following link:
How To Save The World: An Alien Comedy

As with all Kindle books, you can also download a free sample of the first few chapters.

Please note, the 'How To Save The World' books contain material suitable for ages 18+ and are not recommended for prudes or squares.