Fawlty Tea Rooms

Basil Fawlty is one of the all-time classic soap sitcom characters, and during his time as manager of Fawlty Towers, be came out with some great insults. Here are some insults directed at his wife Sybil:

"My little piranha fish."

"Sybil has spent a hard day slaving under the hairdryer."

"Why don't you have another vat of wine dear?"

"My little piranha fish."

"Why don't you syringe the doughnuts out of your ears?"

When Sybil is trying to remember if she has forgotten anything: "Handbag, knuckle dusters, flick knife?"

When Sybil is going out in the car: "Don't drive over any mines or anything!"

After Sybil complains of having a difficult day: "Oh Dear! Did you get entangled in the eiderdown again? Not enough cream in your eclair? You didn't have time to perm your ears?"

However, it appears that Basil may have a real life rival, if the replies to some of the reviews of The Well Walk Tea Rooms on Trip Advisor are anything to go by.

Before I get to the replies, I should point out that The Well Walk Tea Rooms has an overall rating of 4.5 stars, so any negative reviews are very definitely in the minority. Anyway, check out some of the replies from the manager...

1) Damp smell

Review: "I was very disappointed to find that there was a very damp smell when we entered."

Manager: "To be fair the damp smell went soon after you left."

"Did you forget something?"

2) Medication

Review: "The tea room itself is cramped with antiques. It was one of the hot days we had in June and sticking to the plastic table cloths did not help!"

Manager: "Far too many people are walking around unmedicated and unsupervised and affecting our lives."

3) Opinions are like your bum, divided.

Review: "It was disappointing to say the least, after reading all the great reviews."

Manager: "I am so sorry, but in order for you to insult us, we must first value your opinion."

4) Just like grandma's house

Review: "Ancient and rancid. The experience here was shocking, a really old place, full of stuff as in my grandma's house. The best part was the staff, very kind people."

Manager: "We think grandma's house sounds fab! The kind staff would certainly replace any cutlery, etc, for you. Rancid? Surely not, grandma would find that defamatory!"

Tat
Nick-nacks

5) Sense and sensiblity

Review: "The place is crammed from floor to ceiling with nick-nacks (more commonly called tat). The stuff of nightmares. We won't be back."

Manager: "In a similar vein to your Jane Austen museum review, our customers have sense and sensibility as opposed to your pride and prejudice."

6) Scrubs up well

Review: "The table cloths are plastic and dirty. The whole place needs a good scrub!!"

Manager: "I agree, after you left we gave the table a jolly good scrub!"

Pleasant afternoon tea.

7) This next reviewer has poor grammer...

Review: "Rubbish manager. Food okay. But manager or owner don't know which one it was as they refused to identify themselves. Awful read the reviews before you go there.

Manager: "Are you sure you have the right place? With best wishes."

- - - - - - - - - -

At the time of writing the Well Walk Tea Room is the 16th highest ranked restaurant out of 341 restaurants in Cheltenham, so the negative restaurants are definitely in the minority. However, the mischievous part of me hopes they get more bad reviews so that I can read more Basil Fawlty-esque replies from the manager!

Related posts:
Giving excellent stuff the credit it deserves (part 2)
How not to write a helpful book review