Anyway, if you're looking for amusing metaphors*, then you've come to the right place, because this week the Charles Fudgemuffin blog takes a lighthearted look at metaphors.
* As long as you're not too picky about the actual definition of a metaphor.
1) Butter metaphor
When you try to spread cold butter on bread.
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| Credit: imgur |
In related news, a lot of people consider me to be the margarine of comedy.
I tell a joke and they can’t believe it’s not better.
2) McDonalds metaphor
"McDonald’s being the official restaurant of the Olympics is like smoking being the official medicine of cancer."
…Robert Downey, Jr
To be fair, Robert Downey Jr giving medicinal advice is like an arsonist giving advice on the dangers of matches. #BonusMetaphor
3) Beans metaphor
Don't tell this guy any secrets!
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| Credit: memedroid |
Spilling the beans.
Editor's note: "Charles, that's not a metaphor. That's an idiom."
Charles: "Huh! You're an idiom!"
Editor: "No, an idiom, not an idiot."
Charles: "Oh, right. I thought you just had a weird accent."
4) Brotherly metaphor
Did you know that Bruce Lee has a brother who doesn't understand metaphors?
Literal Lee.
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| Big thanks to Maureen, and also to Skybound Balloons, for helping me recreate the 'spilled orange juice' metaphor. |
5) Drink metaphor
Spilling a drink you just paid for is the adult equivalent of letting go of a helium balloon.
6) Snowflake metaphor
Snowflakes are the perfect metaphor for people.
It's difficult to drive when there are too many of them piled up on the road.
7) Potato metaphor
I can relate to this next building themed metaphor, so that's why I cook potatoes with their skins still on.
On a related note, can anyone recommend an alarm clock made out of potatoes?
Editor: "Charles, why do you want an alarm clock made out of potatoes?"
Charles: "Because when I was late for work, my boss told me to get a potato clock."
8) Bridge metaphor
Have you heard the badly explained metaphor about the poorly constructed bridge?
It's hard to get across.
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| Big thanks to Edna, and also to Shropshire Meadows Animal Home, for helping me recreate Big Pharma's business model |
9) Pharmaceutical metaphor
The child's song, 'I Know An Old Lady Who Swallowed A Fly' is a perfect metaphor for Big Pharma's business model.
Editor's note: "What happened to the cow? It's not in the photo."
Charles: "Edna must have swallowed it."
Editor: "I don't know how!"
10) Insulting metaphor
Finally, it has come to my attention that some of our blog staff have been experiencing verbal abuse from readers. Please note that this is a zero tolerance blog, so any insults directed at our staff will not be tolerated!*
* Except for Bob. Bob's an idiot, so feel free to insult, ridicule or mock Bob.
#BonusMetaphor
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As you may have noticed, I took a few liberties with the exact definition of the word 'metaphor', but you know what they say ... you can't make an omelette without burning your bridges!
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The title of my short novella 'Friends Are Like Batteries' is based on a metaphor said by a robot named Xenon. If you want to know what the full metaphor is, then 'Friends Are Like Batteries' is available for kindle from Amazon.
If you're looking for more lighthearted metaphors, then I'm afraid this is my first metaphor themed blog post, so I can't provide any directly related links. However, see if you can work out the very loosely related links in the blog posts below:
Cats and dogs
Five stupid sayings
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